The time everyone else went to school

Today is the first day of school for our district... and although the decision to homeschool had already been made a while ago, and we've been referring to ourselves as a homeschooling family, today, things got very real!! There's no turning back now!

I know, I know, technically, we can decide that homeschooling is not right for us and try to enroll the kids in public school at any time, and our kids will most likely be accepted, but scrolling through Facebook and seeing so many "first day of school" posts makes it feel so much more official; even though the plan is to wait until after Labor Day to start our official learning journey.  

Anyway, as if Facebook wasn't enough to make me think about our choice, today the kids have made it their mission to remind me of one of the biggest questions I've had since the idea of homeschooling started brewing in my heart: Can we really handle the emotional and spiritual part of homeschooling?

(It also doesn't help that I'm PMSing)

Today, my children have decided to fight each other more, to make an extra big mess, to ignore the words coming out of my mouth more... basically anything that could make me regret the decision, and after about 45 minutes of them fighting, crying, hitting each other, crying, throwing toys, crying, calling each other names and crying, I thought "I will go and pray with them! That will make things better"  I marched in there, we sat in a circle in the middle of the room, we held hands and I began to pray. "Dear God, please help us behave in a way that pleases you, help us to use the fruit of the spirit already in us so we can..." and as I prayed they made faces and wiggled and mocked my every word, anything to ensure the prayer would end with mommy yelling.... somehow though, by the grace of God, I managed to leave the room without changing my tone, but I couldn't finish the prayer with them.

Instead, I walked out, ran almost, fell to my knees in the living room, with tears in my eyes and tried to pray through the frustration  "Jesus I need you today. Help me please! Holy Spirit fill this home with your presence, I can't do this without you. Help me good Father, help me please!"

How did my day turn into such a disappointment? I woke up happy because I was able to get some sleep after being sick for a few days. I woke up excited for the fun week I had planned for my kids while most of their friends are in school. I woke up looking forward to some Holy Yoga (yes, that's a thing, its awesome!).
I had such high expectations for this day, I had plans...

Ins't this a lot like life though? We build up the expectation of how things are supposed to be, we make plans, and then life happens, everything changes, our world turns upside down even if just for a moment, especially if you are a planner (anyone else like to make plans and once the plans are made, might as well be "set on stone"?). But life is about making choices, I had a choice to make: I could continue to wallow over how horrible the kids were behaving and how out-of-control my hormones were making me feel, OR I could decide to not let anyone or anything steal my joy. I chose the latter.

I chose joy. I put on some worship music and decided to extend some grace. Instead of going over how I want them to behave, we went for a walk and talked about God's grace and God's mercy. I told them about how much God loves me even when I fall short. I told them about His work on the cross for all of us, about the fact that there is nothing we can do that will make Him love us less... "I am choosing to extend some grace to you because God continues to extend grace to me, over and over, and I want to be more like Jesus" - that's how our conversation ended as we walked in the door.

So as I sit on my couch, typing, reflecting on our day, I finally confronted that question I mentioned earlier, one that I have honestly been avoiding... and I know now, for certain, that although the spiritual and emotional side of homeschooling wont be easy, we can all choose joy, every day, as a family, and hold on to His victory on the cross to overcome anything life throws at us, knowing that He will work it all for our good.  

Learning the first things first

I've been away for a while... we've had a lot going on with my little one's birthday and family visiting... plus planning for our first year of homeschooling.

Anyway, a bit after we decided that homeschooling was right for our family, I started doing research on the different styles of homeschooling and created a rough outline of subject and topics we would like to help our children learn. Though I wasn't one hundred percent sure of what would work and how much is too much (I still don't know, and to be honest, I believe we wont know for sure until we actually start), one thing I was sure of, still am, is that our days would start with God's word.

A few weeks after that, a friend told me about Kids of Integrity, which is a great resource and so it was decided: we would use this for our Character Building/Bible/Devotional part of the day. I started planning our days using KOI, I looked through the different lessons and determined we would start with Obedience. It seemed fitting, it felt right, it was logical. Starting the school year, our very first year of homeschooling, by talking about Obedience made so much sense... for me. I was thinking only of myself when I made this decision. I didn't pray about it, I didn't even talk to my husband about it. It will be my first year of helping my kids learn new things, of spending ALL DAY with them, so of course, obedience makes total sense...but God had other plans, I just didn't know it yet. It wasn't until this week, Monday to be specific, that God showed me how much more important, how much better it is to start by discussing God's goodness instead. Start with the first and most important thing.

My first reaction was of hesitation "why wouldn't God want me to help them understand how important it is to obey?" but the longer I sat in the middle of the early morning worship and prayer service we had this week, the more He revealed to me how much more can be accomplished, how much identity and life can be received by focusing on His goodness.

God is good. He is so so good; and in this world we are living in, we don't need a reminder of where we fall short, we need a reminder of how good He is! 

God doesn't want us to obey Him because we have to, He wants obedience to come as a response to how much we love Him, because He loved us first. 

So we are still planning on using KOI, its a great resource, but first, we will spend as much time as we need in understanding and accepting the goodness of our amazing God, which I'm working on right now.

Praying I can have a "lesson plan" ready by the time we start school.

How do you help your children learn about God? What's your main focus?

The time with the B.O.

I was at the gym this morning, loving life and thanking God for healing my finger so quickly. What happened to my finger you ask? Well yesterday morning my finger ended up between a barbell and the bottom of a bench, causing it to swell by the hour and turn purple, black and blue. It was painful, I couldn't hold much with that hand and was afraid it would mess up my plans to work out the rest of the week. But this morning the swelling had gone down quite a bit and the pain was almost nonexistent.

Anyway, where was I... oh yeah, so I'm at the gym, thinking of all good things when suddenly, the smell of lavender and lemongrass from my somewhat natural deodorant starts to dissipate. I begin to question my choice of deodorant for today and my inhales become stronger as I try very hard to remember if I did in fact use deodorant before leaving the house. "Maybe I just forgot..." I thought to myself, "...it wouldn't be the first time". At this point, I start to sweat [a lot more], which would have been normal if I'd been in the middle of my workout, but I've only been 10 minutes. I can't help but wonder if it would be totally weird if I dig my nose into my underarm arm pit to confirm my suspicions, so I can spare the rest of the dedicated gym-goers who made it there before 9am such odor pollution... when suddenly, the odor disappears, along with the person next to me... and all is well again, I can even smell the lavender and lemongrass again.

(insert sigh of relief)

This moment has played over and over in my head, as if God has something to teach me, and a few thoughts came to mind:

The first thought is how proud I am of myself for not saying (whether out loud or in my head) something mean or snarky, or anything along those lines about the situation. Instead, I thought of the times I have forgotten deodorant (come on, we've all been there at one point or another) and how uncomfortable of a situation it is. I thought of how some of the times I've had the worst B.O. it's been due to hormones, not poor hygiene. I thought of cultural differences that sometimes influence people's body odor.... I thought of so many things, but judging this person wasn't one of them; and this is not because I'm that nice or has such a kind heart. It is because I have asked God to help me show grace towards others and to help me see people through His eyes a little more. It's because I am now surrounded by friends who don't meet to badmouth others, but to encourage one another instead, like God calls us to do. It is because I had a problem with my identity in Christ that always let me to deflect on others, but I am now in a church that speaks tons into our identity in Christ, through which I have come to understand and accept and live in my identity in Jesus Christ. It is because of Him that I am changed still changing. So I shouldn't say I'm proud of myself as much as I am in awe of my God, who likes to work in our hearts, even in mine.

The second thought I will leave for another post, because I don't like doing super long posts, so instead, I'll ask you this:

Are you being intentional about showing grace to others?

When you see people, do you see a man or a woman or a child for whom Christ died on the cross, just like He did for you and me?

Are you prayerfully considering your friendships and investing more into those that are edifying?

Are you living in your true identity in Christ?

Are you letting God work in you?

The time with all the broken pieces

Today I set out to write about something else, something completely different, something I thought I'd never write about, but God had other plans (I guess He doesn't want me to write about that other topic, huh?).

Anyway, I've been having a couple of off days. Not sure if its because my kids have been sick since Monday, and by Wednesday night, I finally caught it, or if its just the fact that I haven't worked out the last couple of days (if you work out regularly, you know how addicting those endorphins can be). So, when I went in the kitchen to cook lunch and dropped one the the mixing bowls I use the most, a loud curse word came out of my mouth (not that I never ever curse, I'm not perfect, but I try really hard not to, especially with the kids around), and I couldn't help that immediate feeling of defeat, of loss, of frustration. 

Isn't it amazing how easy it is to go towards the negative at first instance? 

But God (you know I love these two words) despite my reaction, as I was picking up the broken pieces, gave me a song; without even thinking about it the words started coming out of my mouth: 

All these pieces
Broken and scattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole
Empty handed
But not forsaken
I've been set free
I've been set free

 Then that feeling of defeat and frustration turned into hope and joy. I thought about how those pieces of glass scattered all over my kitchen floor have no use to me anymore, and as I threw each piece in the trash, I saw myself in this broken mixing bowl, but unlike these worthless broken piece in my hand, in His hand our broken pieces are mended and made whole, and turned into something new. God can take our broken life, our broken relationships, our broken world, and turn it into something beautiful.  

His grace is amazing, His voice is sweet, He brings new mercy, He freely offers salvation.
We are broken, but He makes us whole.

I don't think I will ever fully understand His goodness, but I sure am grateful for it.

The time with the breakfast... part 2

If you read this week's post you know we've been dealing with our oldest choosing not to eat his food, making this an emotionally taxing week.        

We've never had this problem before; our kids have always eaten pretty well. Plus, where I come from, you eat, you just do; there's no "I don't like that food" or "I don't want to eat that", you taste everything, you learn to eat everything, period.  

I was hoping this would only last a day, but boy was I wrong.

On to day two.

The day started very similarly to the one before: I made a sandwich for each kid, which they were to eat before having the last bit of apple-cinnamon bread (aka yummy apple cake) we had left. My oldest, the six year old, ate most of his sandwich, which consisted of a slice of black forest ham and cheddar cheese between two pieces of WHITE Wonder bread (this evil mom didn't even try to feed him wheat bread)... But, like the day before, he refused to eat the last two bites, those last two bites, you know, the ones that don't taste anything like the rest of the sandwich. 

My husband was off from work that day so I was really hoping that having daddy at home would make a difference, since they usually don't like disappointing daddy, sadly it didn't!

That morning we were babysitting for a friend, so after she dropped off her adorable two year old, my son seemed a little more motivate to eat (instead of three hours, it only took him one hour to finish the last two bites of his sandwich). Maybe we should watch adorable two year olds more often. 

In that time, we read a book and watched Finding Nemo; he only missed half of the movie.

"On the bright side, at least its getting better" I thought to myself, despite the usual drama and the constant visit to the living room to "tell me something..."  (FYI: the "something" he needed to tell me was always along the lines of "I don't like it" or "I don't want to eat it" or  blah blah blah)

I just can't wrap my head around it sometimes, how this kid smart, this very smart kid (and I'm not just saying it because he's my son), will from time to time make choices that seem a lot less logical than those made by his younger siblings; then I remember: he's also very strong-willed. I guess that's what you get when two strong-willed people marry and have children. 

As sad and frustrating as it can be sometimes to raise a [wonderful] strong-willed child, I try to constantly remember [and pray] that God can do amazing things in and through this strong-willed child. The things that we see as stubbornness today will become tenaciousness tomorrow.






We don't always see how God is working in our own lives when we are in the middle of raising kids, because raising kids is not easy; being obedient and doing what is required of us is not easy. We forget that God gave us this child, and our other two kids, to do amazing things in us as parents too. We want to raise kids who will do what's right because they love God and they love people; because one day these kids will become part of society and these strong-willed kids will become leaders. Are we going to continue to raise a generation of entitled brats or are we going to raise world changers?

The time with the breakfast... part 1

It was past 4 in the afternoon and my six year old was still trying to eat his breakfast... yes, you read that right breakfast...still!!

Lets rewind to that morning... actually, lets rewind to a few days before, when after making the kids' favorite lunch my oldest, who is almost seven years old, refused to eat it claiming he didn't like sandwiches anymore. I remember a time [the last two months] when he would beg for a ham or turkey sandwich for lunch and dinner. After a frustrating week of getting the same response at almost every meal that did not involve hot dogs, toaster waffles or rice, I had to ask if he was taking advantage. 

To be honest his response didn't surprise me. He's a very smart kid but his need to try to outsmart everyone, to see what  he can get away with, is driving him to make a lot of dumb bad choices. Anyone else having this problem? 

I wondered for a minute if maybe I was working on creating a brat. I mean, I want my kids to eat, what parent doesn't? But we've never been the type of parents to give our kids everything they want, in this case cook whatever they want, mostly because we haven't had much problem with this in the past but also because we strongly believe part of loving our kids means not giving them everything. However, recently, out of exhaustion and honestly laziness, I have made it easy for him to just lie about not liking a certain food and in return, he's been getting rewarded for it with something else to eat. What is this, a restaurant? Well... it was slowly turning into one. 

So I decided to work on "retaining" this bratty behavior out of him.

Now fast forward back to that morning.  

I made a sandwich for each kid, and just because I'm nice, I let them choose between jam or turkey in their sandwich, before informing them that after eating their entire sandwich (including "edges") they can have some of the apple-cinnamon bread (which ended up more like a sweet, yummy breakfast cake) I had baked the night before.

This was enough for my youngest two, they ate that jam sandwich faster than ever.

Sadly, my oldest, expecting the usual response from me, ate all but the last two bites of his sandwich because he "didn't like it"... he didn't like the last two bites of the same turkey sandwich he had been eating for the last 45 minutes!!! 

SERIOUSLY CHILD?!?!?!?!

But this time, my response was different... this time I said he only had one choice: eat the dang sandwich! He had the option to sit on the small kid table in the kitchen until those last two bites were gone. If he was not done by lunch time he forfeited the apple-cinnamon bread. 

Guess what? Breakfast time was over. Lunch time came and went (he missed out on dessert: Popsicles) and snack time passed (which they really look forward to). It was almost dinner time and I had heard every excuse in the book about why he can't eat the last two bites of his sandwich. Let me tell you, this kid is creative! So much drama.... oh my goodness.... so.much.drama....

Finally, he decided to close his eyes and eat it because "it doesn't taste like 'edges' when you close your eyes". As soon as he was done he ate his lunch, and about an hour later he had dinner.

Not only did he spend all day sitting on a small chair at their small kitchen table because he wouldn't eat two pieces of bread, he missed out on the movie we watched because he wouldn't eat two small pieces of bread, he missed out on the three books his siblings and I cuddled up to read because he wouldn't eat the last two bites and he missed out on our time outside blowing bubbles because he wouldn't eat the last two bites of his sandwich. True story!

I'm sure some people think this is harsh, we believe it starts with the small things. Plus, how many of you had lots of choices growing up? I know I didn't. My mom cooked, we ate what she cooked, that was it. 

That sneaky bratty behavior was trying to creep into my home, and we cut its head right on time... this time. The scary thing is that this had been going on for over a week and I didn't notice it. 

Makes me think about those parents, you know, the ones everyone is talking about, those who are raising bratty kids. Helps me extend some grace to those parents because I don't think those parents set out to become those parents, at least not all of them. Sometimes it just happens. Today it was me, tomorrow it could be you. It happens. The question is: what are we going to do about it when we catch ourselves falling into this slippery slope?

Its not easy, its not fun, its time consuming, its frustrating... but its one of those things that we will thank ourselves for in the future and our kids will thank us for later.

Conversation with six year old before bed.                                                                          Me: was today fun?                                                                                                          6y/o: not really.                                                                                                                  Me: do you think you made good choices?                                                                        6y/o: No, but I will do better tomorrow.                                                                              Me: Good, because tomorrow you're having the same thing for breakfast.                          6y/o: ... 

.... to be continued...  

About messing up

So you messed up really bad today... Now what?

First ask yourself: Did you really mess up that bad? 

What makes one "mess up" worst than another? 

I think most of us have been conditioned - either by the way we grew up or by society - to think that sins have "levels", that one can be worse than another, and while some sins do have bigger consequence, the reality is that to God, all sins are the same. 

I struggled with this for so long; I would do something that I though qualified as a big sin (mostly because of the way I was raised), and I would be sad, and distance myself from God. I would listen to that voice that told me I was unworthy and damaged, that I was beyond saving; the voice that said that God would not love me when I was not "okay" with Him. I would even feel ashamed to sing the worship songs that kept playing over and over in my head (looking back I think that was the Holy Spirit drawing me back to Him). 

It wasn't until recently, in my early thirties, after almost three years in this amazing church where we are taught to live in our true identity in Christ that I realized that this voice I heard every time I "messed up" was not God's voice, it was the enemy. The thief who wants me to dwell on my sin, to distance myself from God, to feel guilt and condemnation. Every time I fell into the enemy's trap I was letting him win another battle... But God (have I mentioned how much I love those two words?) wants to tell us something completely different, he wants us to know the truth: that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, He already forgave our sins and He wants to have a relationship with us.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 (NIV)

Now I ask you: If the God who created the universe, who sent His one and only son to die for us can forgive us, why are we so hard on ourselves? Why is it sometimes harder for us to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others? 

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus " Rom 8:1 (NIV)

Jesus chose to pay the price for all our sins past, present and future, while we were still sinners. That's how much He loves us. Don't let this sacrifice be in vain by letting the enemy win.

We are forgiven, made new, cleansed. We are righteous and redeemed. We are free. We are loved. We are are the sons and daughters of the God who is good and through whom all things are possible. 

So you messed up today - Jesus already forgave you, accept his forgiveness and move on. Accept His grace and choose to do better next time. We can have a much better life by spending more time building a relationship with God, and getting to know Him better (not just about Him) than we ever will by dwelling on our sinned. Its time for us to live in the fullness of life made true for us by Jesus. We can learn to accept His forgiveness. 

The time when less became more

A couple of weeks ago our church started a series titled Less is More, and believe it or no its not about material things, which has me thinking a lot about pruning.

You see, I think society has led us to believe that we always have to be doing something, that our lives need to be full of activities, that we always have to be moving, that our schedules need to be full... and I'm not saying that having activities is bad (in fact, most of these activities are good), but what happens when we stretch ourselves so thin that the only word to describe our lives is stress. Its gotten to the point that even our kids are starting to think that not having some space in their schedule is bad. Our children are the next generation, what will the future look like if they start stressing out now? If they grow up thinking this is normal? 

I'm guilty of over-scheduling; the look of a full page on a weekly planner makes me smile.

I was the mom who always had some activity planned for me and the kids. During the school year, we had something going on almost every day: fun activities for the kids, nature walks, play dates with friends, playground visits, afternoons at the library... something... anything.... nothing bad, just busy, busy, busy. 

However, a few months ago, I decided I would slow down a bit and give myself permission to chill at home while all the kids were in school (about 3 hours a day) and watch some TV or read a book, or just relax on the couch (yes, you read this right, lay on the couch), instead of going to the gym, running errands or doing chores around the house. I decided it was okay to let the house be messy some times and just hang out with the kids. I started learning how to be okay with having nothing planned for our afternoon and just "playing it by ear"... and let me tell you, it was a lot harder than I expected it to be, but so worth it.

I noticed I was less stressed and the kids were less tired (which always equals less tantrums). I became a fun mom (true story), and we had some great times in our small apartment. Moreover, when we did go out, the kids appreciated it even more and were more compliant! 

So you can imagine the affirmation I felt a few weeks ago when we started this series at church (as if the immediate results weren't enough). I love it when you feel led to do something and then get confirmation from God a few months later. 

Now that summer is here and we are on our way to our home school adventure (in the fall), as tempting as it is to try to make it to all the activities and accept every invitation, we are trying to be very strategic about our time. We are making time to hang out with friends, to participate in fun activities hosted by the library or the free movie club for kids, but we are also leaving time open to just hang out at home and have a dance party, to read some books together, to enjoy the pool with and without friends, and its been the best summer so far.

So I urge you, I know there are lots of fun camps in the summer, lots of great activities to participate in, but try to choose wisely and maybe limit the amount of things you and your kids get involved in, and lets think back to how we spent our summers growing up: playing outside until dusk and hanging out with family, relaxing. Lets schedule less and enjoy more.

About a bad day

Ever had a bad day?

Ever had a really bad day?

... Of course you have, everyone has...

For me, a bad day used to look completely different from what it does now.

When I was working full time, a bad day included missing my train, being late to work, an irate customer, an unfinished proposal, a missed deadline, an argument with my husband about something stupid that was fused by the stress of both of our jobs.... I know some SAHMs might say they miss their days working out of the house, but I don't, not one bit. 

When I became a SAHM, the definition of a bad day included, just to name a few, being late to school (though we don't have to deal with that anymore), not having my husband's lunch ready on time (he comes home for lunch every day, expecting a warm, home cooked meal, which I gladly provide, most of the time), the kids making a mess after I cleaned up, smeared toothpaste all over the bathroom, an new bottle of dish soap dumped on the floor/sink, a couple of tired kids whining and fighting each other and sometimes all of the above combined...
I know, I know, these don't really seem like valid reasons to declare a "bad day" but any parent who has been home all day with little ones, whose life revolves around taking care of their family with minimal adult interaction and no possibility of a break (we don't even get to potty by ourselves) can tell you how easy it is to feel overwhelmed by a bunch of "little" things... add PMS into the mix and its a recipe for disaster. This is what a bad day looks like to a stay-at-home-parent.

Recently though, I decided to see these challenges (see, I now call them challenges) as opportunities to exercise patience and I am learning to deal with each incident and immediately (OK, maybe not immediately, but soon after) move on, and not let it ruin my day. I choose to sing and praise God and pray (a lot!), I try to choose joy.

But today, today I am officially declaring it a bad day.... Today I'm sick... again.... My head hurts, my stupid (my kids think this is "the S word" bless their heart) sinuses decided to act out, I can't breath well, I feel dizzy and nauseous and I'm almost positive I have an ear infection; I haven't slept through the night in 3 days, which is only making me feel worse and I can't take a day off to just veggie out on the couch until I feel better.... Today is not a very good day...

But God.... (I love these two words together)

But today, God, in his infinite mercy has chosen to give me a break from exercising patience with the kids. (As I type this, they are playing together, in their room, using their "indoor voice" and not running around our small apartment... this is a rare sighting.)

But today, God sent me an amazing devotional reminding me that He loves me! That He loved me even before I loved Him. That there is nothing I need to do to reach Him, that all I need to is rest.

"We never have to guess. We never have to question. He loves us. He’s together with us on this."     

And what does this have to do with my declaration of bad day? Well, nothing really... this just got me thinking: How can I declare this day, or any day for that matter, a bad day, when Jesus on the worst day of his life (not that is what a real bad day looks like) gave it all, so that I can experience love and freedom. His sacrifice on the cross automatically gives us the power to declare every day a good day because we are loved, saved, made new, free....

Am I feeling better physically?  Nope... my head feels like a balloon.

Will I have other situations in life where I am tempted to declare of bad day? Absolutely!

"....In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NIV)

But on these days, I can choose to remember that He has overcome the world, and I can focus on what is true, what is noble, what is right, what is pure... I can choose to focus on Jesus.

This is my sink after cleaning the dish soap dumped by my 3 year old. 

Have you ever chosen to declare a good day in spite of the circumstances?

The time with the letter from [public] school

Since the time we started praying about the possibility of homeschooling, starting next fall [2016], I have been on a roller coaster of emotions... mostly highs, with a few lows here and there; at times, its hard not to feel overwhelmed when you have a strong-willed smart-ass 6 year old boy, one very sarcastic, witty, persistent 5 year old girl and a young, immature, 3 year old who loves his role as little brother (and thinks its his mission to make everyone laugh). Other times it's just me doubting my identity in Christ - I am who He says I am... I've noticed this usually happens when my relationship with God isn't the strongest, when I lose sight of Him.

However, last week, was completely different. My doubts didn't come from the usual sources, they came from a letter I received from my youngest son's school saying we "qualify" for free full-time pk4, due to additional government funding this school received.
As I read through the letter, I considered the idea of being kid-free from 7:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I'm not gonna lie, for a moment I went off to daydream of the endless possibilities, of what my life would look like if I had a full seven hours to myself... and then, as if my bubble was popped by a pin in hand, I returned to reality, and immediately felt a "tug" in my heart, almost like a "wake-up!" slap by the Holy Spirit, along with a very clear reminder of the promise He made to me when He planted the idea of homeschooling in my heart.

Some might say actually said to me: Why don't you just send them to school next year, then consider homeschooling the year after that? The answer to that is simple: Sending my kids to public school, just so I can have 7 (glorious) kid-free hours, 5 times a week, would be completely selfish. I know homeschooling will not be easy. I know some days I will want to quit. I know some days I will have the need to leave the kids with my husband so I can go [anywhere] catch my breath and recharge. I know there will be times when the kids need a break for me, too... But I also know that this is our next step, this is where God is leading us, it's my family's journey.

The first time I prayed, really prayed, about the next step for our family, He promised me he would do great things in us and though us; that day, I sensed Him say, almost in an audibly: "A year from now, you will look back and say 'Wow! look at all the great things God has done in our lives' and your faith will grow, and you will be stronger as a family." 

I still get goosebumps whenever I think of that day.  

For us, homeschooling is step one of the plan He has for us, and I strongly believe that God will not reveal step two, until we follow step one. It's not only a test of obedience, it's a test of faith and trust.

So I have decided to be obedient because I trust that God is good and He is sovereign; I know His plan for my family - for my children, for my husband, for me - is much much bigger than me, and I can choose to be part of the plan (by following His calling), or I can try to do what I think is right [easier] and miss the opportunity to see His work in me.

About the good times

I've been feeling some conviction from the Holy Spirit lately... 

In a world with so much social media "filter", where we only see what others want us to see - usually only the good stuff, the "perfect" - I set out to talk about the raw, real life moments, yet in the process, I failed to talk about the good moments... and there are good moments, we do have good days and sometimes we have really good days. 

For instance, last week we went to the dentist. I know for some parents, taking their kids to the dentist is difficult and challenging, but my kids like going to the dentist and tend to cooperate (most of the time), so our usual problem is more due to over excitement. However, we had a great visit last time, it was more than great! The kids did as they were told, they made polite conversation with the doctors and staff, they WALKED the whole time (if your kids are anything like mine, then you know what a challenge it is to get them to go from point A to point B without running). I can actually say I enjoyed taking the kids to the dentist this time... go figure.

As a reward, that day they got to choose what they wanted for dinner, even if it was muffins from the grocery store bakery and smoothie... I gladly let them have it. It was a good day.

So for the rest of the week (this was a Monday), I held on to that great day, to the hope of another, because parenting is not easy! We will have lots of good days and lots of bad days, and if we hold on to the good ones and learn to quickly let go of the bad ones, move one (which I'm working on), we can enjoy life [parenting years] a lot more. And if we surround ourselves by a "tribe" of great parents who will encourage us on the bad days and remind us of the good days, life will be even better.

  

About patience

A few days ago I was catching up with a friend over text message (anyone else rarely talk on the phone with anyone other their mom, and occasionally mother in law?). She asked (as some people do every time they talk to me... maybe expecting a different answer?) if we are still set on homeschooling next fall, and when I said yes, she said she doesn't think she has the patience home school...

This is one of the comments I get the most when it comes to home schooling,  and it doesn't surprise me at all... You see,  I too once believed I wasn't patient enough, nor smart enough, nor organized enough...the list goes on... And you know what, these are all lies!

The truth is, though we may not feel qualified at the time, God will always equip us to fulfill our calling. For our family, homeschooling is our next step, it's where God is leading us. But this is not a post about home schooling, its about patience. 

Patience is not only a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), which means it's already in us, I think patience is also like a muscle. When I first started working out, I wasn't as strong as I am now (almost 4 years later), I didn't have as much endurance as I have now, my core muscles were weak (especially after having 3 kids in 4 years). Yet by working hard, I have built endurance, by pushing my body to the limit and then some, making micro-tears in my muscles and bones, my body has become stronger, thus making me physically and mentally stronger. I think the same is true for patience... I mean, there's a reason why people say "never ask God for patience, because he will give you more opportunities to be patience"... I can tell you from experience, THIS IS SO TRUE! 

But why won't God just give us the patience? If our God is all good and almighty, why make us work for it? It's because He loves us! If we could just change the way our body looks without working out, we would look a certain way, but we would not gain strength nor have as much endurance, we would not grow . If God just gave us the patience we need, instead of having us work on it, we will have patience, but we would miss the opportunity to become wiser and grow in faith. 

"Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance." Rom 5:3 AMP

So I choose every day to reject the lie that I am not qualified. 

I declare by faith that that the Fruit of the Spirit is already in me.

I choose to trust that God will not call me to something He has not prepared me for. 

And I can already see how God is working in me. 

Will it be easy? No! Will it be worth it? Absolutely! 

The time I chose to make time for myself

Friend: I am impressed... 

Me: huh? impressed by what?

Friend: I'm impressed about how you make plans to do things for yourself and actually follow through, that's impressive; I wish I could do that.   

This happened a few days ago, which got me thinking about what my usual day looks like... I really don't feel like I make time for myself per-say, it just feels like a normal day, though it wasn't always like that.

When I first became a stay at home mom, I was determined to find my "rhythm". I was so desperate to be home with my kids, I felt like I needed to make up for the three years I "missed out on" with my firstborn, and the year and a half with my middle child. My youngest was about 4 months old and was nursing non-stop; I was obsessed with keeping the house clean and neat all the time, I wanted to cook something new every day, to be a good wife for my husband when he came home from work... I became exhausted and overwhelmed very quickly trying to be the best mom, the best homemaker and the best wife... 

something had to change, but I didn't know what.

As I looked at other women around, I noticed I wasn't' alone, most moms I knew were also striving to be the best and being very hard on themselves when they failed to meet their own super high standards. My own mom, who is an amazing mom and has always been there for my sisters and I, has always been more mom than anything else, even as a full-time working mother; she taught me how to be a devoted, fun, loving, praying mom, but failed to teach me how to make time for myself, how to be more than just a mom; and I don't blame her. From the moment we find out we're pregnant, we become moms, and our kids become priority, we would die for them, and that's okay. But it's also okay to take care of ourselves.

It took some trial and error and a bit of "rewiring", but I slowly learned how to find balance.

Although I love spending time with my kids and my husband, I have learned that I can't give what I don't have, I can't pour onto my family if I are near empty - sort of like the whole "put on your oxygen mask first" thing.

So I started with something small, like working out from home (Hellooo endorphins!). 

Then I made a rule for the kids: once I sit down to eat, they are not allowed to ask for anything until I'm done (Hellooo hot coffee!). 

Then I decided to join a gym, with child care, because once the kids stopped napping altogether, a 20 minute workout at home would usually turn into a 60 minute workout. And so it went...

I also started to wake up a bit earlier to have some quiet time where I pray, journal, worship... sometimes I just sit there quiet (but that's a whole 'nother blog post).

As a result, the kids started to respect my time, especially meal time (huge win!) and even began to help set the table so we can all eat together - which means more family time. My husband has also been very good at helping reinforce this.

I have learned to relaxed about wanting trying to have everything perfect.

I have learned that being a good mom doesn't mean being just a mom.

I have learned to stop setting unreachable standards and expectations.

I have learned that the mom who seems to have it all together and can do it all, has moments of feeling exhausted and depleted, just as I do.

I have learned that we can help each other by being real and cutting ourselves - and other moms - some slack for not being involved in everything.

Being a mom is amazing and rewarding, but its also exhausting and draining, so its not only okay to make some time for yourself, it is a necessity. We can build better relationships with other moms in the raw, real struggles of life than in a competition to see who does more. Do what you can and invest time on your family, but never forget to make time for yourself, eventually it will becomes second nature. 

You are a good mom!   

About God's voice

Wouldn't it be amazing if there was a phone, a direct line, that we could just pick up and hear God's voice?

That would be awesome! But... it's not exactly how it works, is it?

It's not that our good Father doesn't want to talk to us, the truth is He wants to be near us, He loves us... but I think if we had a direct line, we would take His voice for granted and we would not seek Him.

He speaks to us in a whisper, so we have to lean in, be still, quiet our heart and mind. God created us with a need for relationship with others, but ultimately with Him. He wants to draw us to Him not only to guide us, He also wants us to know about everything Jesus already did for us, so our relationship can  be built on love, grace and truth, instead of fear, guilt and condemnation.

So lets say we took some time to pray, lean in and listen, and we are now sensing God is leading us in a certain direction... but how do we know it's God's voice? Here are some "filters" from the pastor at Valley Creek Church* that have definitely helped me discern and confirm His voice:

1. Does it align with scripture? What God is saying will never contradict what He has already said [in His word]. 
2. Does godly consul confirm it? We can ask some of our close [godly] friends, mentor, or someone we trust who is spiritually mature, to pray with us and see what God is telling them about our situation.
3. Is there a sacred echo? When it's really God talking to us, we will hear and see confirmation over and over in our everyday life, even when we're not looking for it. 
4. Does it lead us to Jesus? Where ever He is leading us will always bring us closer to Him. 

Living in the will of God makes all the difference. It will help us mature spiritually and bring us joy; leaning in will bring upon a closer relationship with our Creator who loves us more than we will ever understand. 

Lets spend more time leaning in... He has a lot to say to us.

*here is the link to the message from Valley Creek Church, in case you want to listen to it.   

The time I decided to hold my ground

"It's not a big deal so I will just ignore it"... That right there is what's wrong with our generation, that is the problem!

I'm usually the follow-the-rules, don't-stir-the-pot, avoid-confrontation type. I grew up thinking all confrontation is unhealthy and would be seen as bad testimony. As I grew into an adult, I came to the realization that some confrontation is not only healthy, its sometimes necessary, yet nurture takes over at times. However, recently a situation came up where I felt very convicted about my usual way of doing things (or more like "go with the flow" and not do a thing), and after spending some time seeking God and asking for prayer, I sensed God leading me to stand firm and try to make a difference, even if just a small difference.

You see, it's easy to just let go of things when they don't affect us directly or "it's not a big deal", but what happens when it actually does affect us? What if the first person who went through the situation had taken a stand, paving the way for when you had to go through it?

Well that's what I'm hoping to accomplish in this situation, to pave the way to future homeschooling parents, by not giving in to my son's elementary school's request for information [not required by law] regarding our upcoming home school endeavor.

Let me give you some background: 
Texas law is one of the most favorable for homeschooling. Per law, all I need to do is notify the school in writing (by mail or email) of my intention to home school, that's it. It's one of the many benefits of living in this great state. Unfortunately, some School Districts are not aware of the law, or choose to ignore it and request additional information "for their records" or "to protect the child", and while Im sure they most likely have the best intentions by doing this (and no, I dont think they are "out there to get me"), it robs us of our freedom and of our right.

This is the form I was given at my son's school:

What's the big deal about this form you ask? Well, that's exactly what I thought... at first...yet the more I read through it, the more anxiety I felt, I just didn't feel peace; so I sought advice from the ladies in my home school facebook group, many who have been doing it for years and some live in Texas as well. I found a lot of support, good advise and wise insight. One lady pointed out something I didn't even notice about that paragraph in the middle, she said:

"In that paragraph there is enough to give them legal grounds to say you aren't properly homeschooling, not using the curriculum they allow, essentially giving the school bird oversight into their homeschool."

WOW! After reading the paragraph again, it's all I could say, WOW! I didn't even think about it in that way, seem I didn't fully understand the paragraph! (God is so good to me!) The lady who posted this comment has no idea what a huge blessing she was to me with this. 

People, We need to be informed. 

We need to do research,

We need to know our rights, and defend them!

As Christ followers we want everything we do to reflect Christ, but that doesn't meat we need to say yes to everything nor ask questions. In fact, having all the information will enable us to make wiser decisions and in this situation, it's become clear to me that not completing this form helps protects our rights and the freedom offered by this state's law, and though I may never know exactly how much I really "helped" the next parent who walks into the school to withdrawal their child, at least I know I was obedient to what God called me to do in this situation....

We can protect our rights while still being kind and godly.

The time I almost sent a withdrawl letter to my kids' public school

The day was finally here... I was about to press "send" on an email that would officially notifying my kids' school of our decision to home school... or so I thought...

When we made the decision to home school, we started doing lots of research; this let us to the Texas Home School Coalition's website, which has been extremely informative. There, I found a Withdrawal Sample letter/email to send to the school.

A few months later (around Jan 2016) I decided to call the school district's office just to see what they had to say. The person who assisted me was very nice, she said all I needed to do was send a letter of intent to the principal and call student services to inform them, but she recommended I wait until the end of the school year (unless I was planning on starting to home school right away), so I did.

In mid May; I was at the elementary school and decided to stop by the office to see if they can tell me who needs to receive the withdrawal letter regarding my daughter. She was in pk4, in the ISD system but would have been going to a different school. To my surprise, they gave me a form to complete. This form asks for basic information (name, current school, grade, etc.), but it also asks for the name of the curriculum we will be using... As far as I'm concerned, Texas law does not require home schools to provide anything other than our intent to homes school-not that I mind providing that information, just don't see the need if its not required. 

So I read through the THSC website again, and read this:

I know it may seem a bit silly to some, but its a bit frustrating to have to do extra stuff that is not required by law. It kind of makes me feel like they are adding extra hurdles to jump through for the sake of making it difficult, and since I'm usually a rule-follower, I usually just end up jumping through all the hoops that are put in front of me... 

But where do we draw the line? 

Its one thing to follow the rules, God calls us to obey our earthly authorities, but I fear that I will need a bigger backbone to stand up for my kids and how we obey and follow God's calling for our family, which sometimes means not follow all the earthly rules. 

In situations like these - doing one thing or the other I don't think would be considered disobedience in God's eyes - what we need to do is pray, even about things that may seem small or insignificant, and seek godly consul. When we start to seek God in every situation, big (I'm good at this one) or small (I really struggle with this one) we get used to including Him in our everyday lives and not only does our relationship with Him grow, we also grow as Christ followers so He can trust us with bigger revelation and bring upon greater breakthrough. 

...sigh...

So for now, that's what I'll do. 

The time I joined a mommy group

Before becoming a SAHM (stay at home mom) I had now idea there was such thing as a "mommy group". In fact, they even have websites entirely devoted to helping you find your "tribe". Whether you're a single parent, a stay at home mom, a working mom, a single person in your 30's, divorced, like to dance, like to read, they even have a group for classic rock aficionados!

Anyway,  at the begging of 2013 I decide to get out there and be social, like in person not behind a computer, I decided to give it a try, and joined my first mommy group. We had only been in Texas for a couple of months, but I was feeling the need for community (and conversations with other adults).

This group was great and FREE. I made a couple of really good friends (sadly they have both moved away now, but that's a story for another day), and enjoyed having a group of women who were in similar seasons of parenting as I was. We had lots of play dates, visited many parks and learned all the mommy lingo. Until then, terms like "crunchy mom" or "helicopter parent" were all foreign to me. Soon I was hosting play dates and planning trips while minding all the rules.  

I was surprised at how welcoming these women were (making a great impression of Texas), and their willingness to help each other with little to now judgement. You see, when I was working full time, I never had time - or energy - to meet new mommy friends, and the friends I had before I had kids, were still having fun and partying it up in South Beach; not to mention I was in the daze of pregnancy or nursing between 2008 and 2013. In this mommy group, I made time to slow down and make new friends, I wanted to get to know other moms, learn their stories and how they came to be SAHMs just like me. I was so proud of myself for putting myself out there and stepping out of my comfort zone. As for my kids, they flourished into social butterflies, they had fun and immediately fell in love with Texas.

I am so grateful for that group, and was so sad when it dissolved - well it didn't really dissolved, it was more like it moved further north than I was willing to travel for a 2 hour play date - it was great way to meet new people and learn about all the fun things to do in a new town. It was great, still it was time to move on.

The time I cried in the playground parking lot... and the entire ride home

The day started like any other Saturday. We had breakfast, got dressed and headed out to the the playground with some friends. The kids played, I played with them, I chatted with some of the other moms, told them about my plan to be more kind to my kids (I should've figured there'd be a trial there after saying that out loud)... and then it was time to go. 

I gave them the usual "ten more minutes guys", and started counting down from there, but the oldest decided to tease and taunt "we're not leaving! come on guys [to his siblings], lets get up here where she can't reach us!" I responded with a firm tone, trying to stay as calm as possible, somehow expecting them to follow orders, although in all honesty, I felt the situation slowly slipping out of my hands.

In my head, the thoughts racing: What should I do? Yell? Grab all three of them, at once? Spank them in the middle of the playground? Make some more threats? Nothing I was saying was working, changing my tone made no difference.

When I finally got two of the kids walking towards the car, I ran after the little one and carried him to the car with me. That's when I discovered the oldest (who is almost 7 years old now) in about 2 inches of mud, and the little one ran out off the car faster than I could catch him, into the same mud puddle!

This was it, I had run out of patience!! 

I picked up the boys like potato sacks and took them to the car as they screamed and cried. Once inside, I turned around and before I could utter a word, the tears started flowing  down my face, I just could not stop! 

I cried and cried; I ugly cried all the way home... 

I cried out of frustration.

I cried because I felt  defeated.

I cried in despair.

I cried to God for help, for guidance.

When we got home they wash their hands and went to their room; I went to the bathroom to cry some more.

The next few hours I swam in a pool of emotions from how to establish consequences to just asking God for clarity. My mind racing: They should receive a spanking...but that's not really how I want to handle this. I should extend grace... but grace without truth is not enough. I should keep them in their room all day... but though they are calm right now, eventually they will just start acting crazy again. 

God, what do I do? What do you want to show me? Is this about me or them? 

This is about me, isn't it?! About my relationship with you Father."

Soon after, my oldest came out of his room to ask if I hated them because they hurt my feelings; he asked why I wanted them to stay in their room, away from me. I replied "I don't hate you, I love you very much... but right now I'm sad, hurt, disappointed. I love you guys, but don't like you guys very much right now...

This brought me to tears again... it hurt so much to say these words, yet, it was the truth... I will always love them, but sometimes I need some space.

When I finally stilled my heart, the thought about how God never wants to be far from us came to me... How our heavenly Father wants to be with us, to be near, always. We ignore Him, run from Him, reject Him, refuse to obey, yet He still wants us! WOW!

How good is our Father.

How marvelous our God.

How amazing His grace.

How undeserving His favor.

I'm still waiting to hear from Him on how to I can help my kids with obedience and how to be a better mom, but until then, I have comfort in the hope of my loving Father, who will never leave me nor forsake me.

The time at DQ

Today I thought I'd do something fun with the kids on this beautiful sunny day in Texas, so I came up with the very bright idea to take all three kids to DQ for dinner, without my husband.

Already predicting the over-excitement, since it was our first time there, I give them the usual talk before leaving the car: "ok guys, we're here. Please remember that this is a restaurant, a place where lots of people go to eat, so be respectful of others, no getting on top of the tables, no running... basically anything you know is not ok to do in a restaurant, just don't do it. Let make good choices and act like big boys and girl." To which they reply with an enthusiastic "Yes ma'am".

As soon as we get out of the car my oldest starts to run towards the door (sigh), but I just take a breath and move on (I mean, they're kids, its gonna happen). We go inside and before we're even done ordering, two out of the three children are fighting. I respond in a tone equally filled with annoyance, sadness and stress  "boooys, calm down, remember our talk".

We walk to the back and find a booth; I sit the little one by my side, the older two across, then wait for the food to come. The kids finally settle down (only took about 5 minutes) and start eating. We talk about their day, joke around a bit, enjoy family time - this is fun, this I love, I wish it could always be like this.

They finish their food so it's time for them to go choose a treat - they had no idea the kids' meal came with a treat, which totally made up for the fact that it didn't come with a toy - you can see the excitement building up... Once they eat their ice cream you can see the effects of the sugar almost immediately... and its all downhill from here.

The oldest boy runs around the restaurant, jumps up onto the counter the holds the beverages and sits there for a couple of seconds before grabbing a few straws, jumping off and running around again...

The youngest dances on his chair (thought that was kind of cute), and tries to "escape" to join big brother, this means jumping over mommy...

And the girl, she just whines about her ice cream melting and dripped onto her hands and clothes... oh and in case you didn't know, ice cream is too cold.

I start to feel pressure in my head, not sure if its from my sinuses (I'd been dealing with a sinus infection for over a week)or that feeling we all get when our kids are acting like wind-up toys and we don't know if to scream, tie then to a chair or just run away...  the headache slowly creeps in, the blood rushes to my head... That's when I loose it and I uttered those two words that are usually followed by some promise I probably won't keep: THAT'S IT! As soon as we arrived home you will take a shower, brush your teeth and go straight to bed! 

By then I was frazzled and kept thinking "I'm.never.ever.doing.this.again, EVER!!"

Once home, the boys march together to one bathroom and the girl to another, while I go for a walk and talk to my mom on the phone [since husband is already home].

I complain about how crazy the kids behaved today, confessed I felt like I didn't know what to do or how to handle it [them]. I don't want to be a mean mom or spend all our time together reprimanding them, nor constantly revoking privileges. 

Am I being too soft on them, or too hard on them? Do they require more consequences or good 'ol spankings? Am I crazy and totally overreacting? 

She just listens (I love my mom, she always listens).

Then she tells me about a lady who works under her supervision. She had been giving them [management] some trouble, yet my mom chose to show her grace; she chose to acknowledge the good things this employee has done in her current role; my mom identified with her, she told this employee how much she reminds my mom of my sisters and me in different aspects of her life... she chose kindness, in spite of the way her employee was acting, grace won... and guess what? That employee, a few days later, out of nowhere, went to management to apologize for the way she had been acting, saying she was amazed and grateful for the way she has been treated even when she has been trying to stir up trouble... talk about things only God can do....

Immediately Romans 2:4 came to mind about how It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance, and as the words were coming out of my mouth, I could sense the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart be kind my beloved daughter, be kind because I am kind. 

That's what I need to do with my kids. Not be more strict, not be mean, not punish more... be kind. Now that's a challenge! How do you choose kindness when you are exhausted and frustrated? When all you ask of your children is that they listen when you talk to them and stop when you ask them to stop?

The answer: We ask God.

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." 1 John 5:14 NIV

We, as parents, are the very first example our kids get to see of God's character. If my kids can say nothing about me, other than they know that I love God and love people, I could die knowing I left a legacy to them.... but how can they say this if I can't extend grace to them through kindness?

We can only show grace to the extent that we have received grace from God. Lets be open to receive His grace today. 

About mommy guilt...

Last weekend was mother's day. I had a wonderful, relaxing day with husband and kids. They honored me with handmade cards and workout clothes (which I always welcome), our morning was calm. We didn't make it to church, so I downloaded the podcast so I can listen to the message in the car... and WOW let me tell you, the whole message was amazing.

I have not stopped thinking about the whole message all week, especially this statement:

"The purpose that God has for your kids' lives, the plans and destiny He has for your children is so much bigger than you as a mom, as a parent, that there's nothing you're going to do or fail to do that is going to stop His plan. Let go of control and surrender your child to God."

What a statement of freedom! 

God is good and He is sovereign! He loves our kids far more than we are humanly able to love them, more than we will ever understand. He gave us everything, He gave us His Son! The Cross alone is proof enough of His goodness, His love.

So, why do we guilt ourselves into thinking we are messing up our children? Its time we give ourselves and other parents some grace, its time to trust that all things are under God's rule and control, that nothing happens without His direction and permission. Its time we live in the freedom that Jesus paid such high a price to gift to us. 

Lets do our best, lets seek God first and lets surrender control, so we can live in freedom.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Galatians 5:1(a) 

 Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there, no matter how you became a mom, and never forget, 

You are a good mom, a good parent! 

A lot has changed...

A lot has changed since I last posted about us moving from Miami to Texas. Boy that trip was fun (NOT!). Almost 4 years ago, my husband and I decide to drive from FL to the big state, with a 3 month old, a 1 and a half year old and a 3 year old... and we decide to do this on black Friday of all days... Who does that?! Well apparently we do.

I can't say the trip was horrible, though I still remember it like it was yesterday; lots of snacks and movies for the kids, took lots of pictures, visited almost every rest stop from Florida to Texas, 3 night in 3 different hotels, and lots of stops to nurse a cranky baby. That kid hated the car seat! Its the biggest change we had ever made as a family, and probably the second biggest move of my life (the first was moving from NJ to the Dominican Republic when I was 10 years old), and we were happy to be traveling together, making new family memories.  

Its funny how we usually remember only the good times - I think its God's gift to us. I remember being excited about a new begging, about exploring our new town, going from working a full time job outside my home, to becoming a stay at home mom; in my mind, moving was the best thing ever, our own little fairy tale. It wasn't until a few months ago, when a friend moved to TX and was having a hard time adjusting, that I stopped to remember how emotionally taxing this new "normal" was for me. I didn't have any friends, I had no family near by, and all our furniture was stuck somewhere in between TN and TX, so we slept on inflatable mattresses and had "picnics" on the living room floor every day for over a month. I would have never admitted it back then - I didn't want my parents to worry-  but I missed my parents and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, the huge support system we had in Miami. Before we knew Christmas was here, and since all our money went into the move, we could barley afford to get presents for the kids, let alone a Christmas tree... oh and we still had no furniture. I had my husband and my kids with me, yet I felt sad and alone, and let down by my own expectations of how things "should have been". We were created to live in community and this truth became evident to me that Christmas eve, when we accepted and invitation to spend Noche Buena (big Christmas Eve party) with a group of people we didn't know very well and didn't have much in common with... lets just say it was interesting.
I am thankful for that family who opened the doors to their home on that emotional (for me) Christmas Eve, but that crazy party made me realize it was time to get out of my comfort zone and take actions.
I was on a mission to find new friends, to build community, to make a life in Texas, to make this my home. And so the journey began.