I know, I know, technically, we can decide that homeschooling is not right for us and try to enroll the kids in public school at any time, and our kids will most likely be accepted, but scrolling through Facebook and seeing so many "first day of school" posts makes it feel so much more official; even though the plan is to wait until after Labor Day to start our official learning journey.
Anyway, as if Facebook wasn't enough to make me think about our choice, today the kids have made it their mission to remind me of one of the biggest questions I've had since the idea of homeschooling started brewing in my heart: Can we really handle the emotional and spiritual part of homeschooling?
(It also doesn't help that I'm PMSing)
(It also doesn't help that I'm PMSing)
Today, my children have decided to fight each other more, to make an extra big mess, to ignore the words coming out of my mouth more... basically anything that could make me regret the decision, and after about 45 minutes of them fighting, crying, hitting each other, crying, throwing toys, crying, calling each other names and crying, I thought "I will go and pray with them! That will make things better" I marched in there, we sat in a circle in the middle of the room, we held hands and I began to pray. "Dear God, please help us behave in a way that pleases you, help us to use the fruit of the spirit already in us so we can..." and as I prayed they made faces and wiggled and mocked my every word, anything to ensure the prayer would end with mommy yelling.... somehow though, by the grace of God, I managed to leave the room without changing my tone, but I couldn't finish the prayer with them.
Instead, I walked out, ran almost, fell to my knees in the living room, with tears in my eyes and tried to pray through the frustration "Jesus I need you today. Help me please! Holy Spirit fill this home with your presence, I can't do this without you. Help me good Father, help me please!"
How did my day turn into such a disappointment? I woke up happy because I was able to get some sleep after being sick for a few days. I woke up excited for the fun week I had planned for my kids while most of their friends are in school. I woke up looking forward to some Holy Yoga (yes, that's a thing, its awesome!).
I had such high expectations for this day, I had plans...
Ins't this a lot like life though? We build up the expectation of how things are supposed to be, we make plans, and then life happens, everything changes, our world turns upside down even if just for a moment, especially if you are a planner (anyone else like to make plans and once the plans are made, might as well be "set on stone"?). But life is about making choices, I had a choice to make: I could continue to wallow over how horrible the kids were behaving and how out-of-control my hormones were making me feel, OR I could decide to not let anyone or anything steal my joy. I chose the latter.
I chose joy. I put on some worship music and decided to extend some grace. Instead of going over how I want them to behave, we went for a walk and talked about God's grace and God's mercy. I told them about how much God loves me even when I fall short. I told them about His work on the cross for all of us, about the fact that there is nothing we can do that will make Him love us less... "I am choosing to extend some grace to you because God continues to extend grace to me, over and over, and I want to be more like Jesus" - that's how our conversation ended as we walked in the door.
So as I sit on my couch, typing, reflecting on our day, I finally confronted that question I mentioned earlier, one that I have honestly been avoiding... and I know now, for certain, that although the spiritual and emotional side of homeschooling wont be easy, we can all choose joy, every day, as a family, and hold on to His victory on the cross to overcome anything life throws at us, knowing that He will work it all for our good.
Instead, I walked out, ran almost, fell to my knees in the living room, with tears in my eyes and tried to pray through the frustration "Jesus I need you today. Help me please! Holy Spirit fill this home with your presence, I can't do this without you. Help me good Father, help me please!"
How did my day turn into such a disappointment? I woke up happy because I was able to get some sleep after being sick for a few days. I woke up excited for the fun week I had planned for my kids while most of their friends are in school. I woke up looking forward to some Holy Yoga (yes, that's a thing, its awesome!).
I had such high expectations for this day, I had plans...
Ins't this a lot like life though? We build up the expectation of how things are supposed to be, we make plans, and then life happens, everything changes, our world turns upside down even if just for a moment, especially if you are a planner (anyone else like to make plans and once the plans are made, might as well be "set on stone"?). But life is about making choices, I had a choice to make: I could continue to wallow over how horrible the kids were behaving and how out-of-control my hormones were making me feel, OR I could decide to not let anyone or anything steal my joy. I chose the latter.
I chose joy. I put on some worship music and decided to extend some grace. Instead of going over how I want them to behave, we went for a walk and talked about God's grace and God's mercy. I told them about how much God loves me even when I fall short. I told them about His work on the cross for all of us, about the fact that there is nothing we can do that will make Him love us less... "I am choosing to extend some grace to you because God continues to extend grace to me, over and over, and I want to be more like Jesus" - that's how our conversation ended as we walked in the door.
So as I sit on my couch, typing, reflecting on our day, I finally confronted that question I mentioned earlier, one that I have honestly been avoiding... and I know now, for certain, that although the spiritual and emotional side of homeschooling wont be easy, we can all choose joy, every day, as a family, and hold on to His victory on the cross to overcome anything life throws at us, knowing that He will work it all for our good.
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