Friend: I am impressed...
Me: huh? impressed by what?
Friend: I'm impressed about how you make plans to do things for yourself and actually follow through, that's impressive; I wish I could do that.This happened a few days ago, which got me thinking about what my usual day looks like... I really don't feel like I make time for myself per-say, it just feels like a normal day, though it wasn't always like that.
When I first became a stay at home mom, I was determined to find my "rhythm". I was so desperate to be home with my kids, I felt like I needed to make up for the three years I "missed out on" with my firstborn, and the year and a half with my middle child. My youngest was about 4 months old and was nursing non-stop; I was obsessed with keeping the house clean and neat all the time, I wanted to cook something new every day, to be a good wife for my husband when he came home from work... I became exhausted and overwhelmed very quickly trying to be the best mom, the best homemaker and the best wife...
something had to change, but I didn't know what.
As I looked at other women around, I noticed I wasn't' alone, most moms I knew were also striving to be the best and being very hard on themselves when they failed to meet their own super high standards. My own mom, who is an amazing mom and has always been there for my sisters and I, has always been more mom than anything else, even as a full-time working mother; she taught me how to be a devoted, fun, loving, praying mom, but failed to teach me how to make time for myself, how to be more than just a mom; and I don't blame her. From the moment we find out we're pregnant, we become moms, and our kids become priority, we would die for them, and that's okay. But it's also okay to take care of ourselves.
It took some trial and error and a bit of "rewiring", but I slowly learned how to find balance.
Although I love spending time with my kids and my husband, I have learned that I can't give what I don't have, I can't pour onto my family if I are near empty - sort of like the whole "put on your oxygen mask first" thing.
So I started with something small, like working out from home (Hellooo endorphins!).
Then I made a rule for the kids: once I sit down to eat, they are not allowed to ask for anything until I'm done (Hellooo hot coffee!).
Then I decided to join a gym, with child care, because once the kids stopped napping altogether, a 20 minute workout at home would usually turn into a 60 minute workout. And so it went...
I also started to wake up a bit earlier to have some quiet time where I pray, journal, worship... sometimes I just sit there quiet (but that's a whole 'nother blog post).
As a result, the kids started to respect my time, especially meal time (huge win!) and even began to help set the table so we can all eat together - which means more family time. My husband has also been very good at helping reinforce this.
I have learned to relaxed about wanting trying to have everything perfect.
I have learned that being a good mom doesn't mean being just a mom.
I have learned to stop setting unreachable standards and expectations.
I have learned that the mom who seems to have it all together and can do it all, has moments of feeling exhausted and depleted, just as I do.
I have learned that we can help each other by being real and cutting ourselves - and other moms - some slack for not being involved in everything.
Being a mom is amazing and rewarding, but its also exhausting and draining, so its not only okay to make some time for yourself, it is a necessity. We can build better relationships with other moms in the raw, real struggles of life than in a competition to see who does more. Do what you can and invest time on your family, but never forget to make time for yourself, eventually it will becomes second nature.
You are a good mom!
