The time with the letter from [public] school

Since the time we started praying about the possibility of homeschooling, starting next fall [2016], I have been on a roller coaster of emotions... mostly highs, with a few lows here and there; at times, its hard not to feel overwhelmed when you have a strong-willed smart-ass 6 year old boy, one very sarcastic, witty, persistent 5 year old girl and a young, immature, 3 year old who loves his role as little brother (and thinks its his mission to make everyone laugh). Other times it's just me doubting my identity in Christ - I am who He says I am... I've noticed this usually happens when my relationship with God isn't the strongest, when I lose sight of Him.

However, last week, was completely different. My doubts didn't come from the usual sources, they came from a letter I received from my youngest son's school saying we "qualify" for free full-time pk4, due to additional government funding this school received.
As I read through the letter, I considered the idea of being kid-free from 7:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I'm not gonna lie, for a moment I went off to daydream of the endless possibilities, of what my life would look like if I had a full seven hours to myself... and then, as if my bubble was popped by a pin in hand, I returned to reality, and immediately felt a "tug" in my heart, almost like a "wake-up!" slap by the Holy Spirit, along with a very clear reminder of the promise He made to me when He planted the idea of homeschooling in my heart.

Some might say actually said to me: Why don't you just send them to school next year, then consider homeschooling the year after that? The answer to that is simple: Sending my kids to public school, just so I can have 7 (glorious) kid-free hours, 5 times a week, would be completely selfish. I know homeschooling will not be easy. I know some days I will want to quit. I know some days I will have the need to leave the kids with my husband so I can go [anywhere] catch my breath and recharge. I know there will be times when the kids need a break for me, too... But I also know that this is our next step, this is where God is leading us, it's my family's journey.

The first time I prayed, really prayed, about the next step for our family, He promised me he would do great things in us and though us; that day, I sensed Him say, almost in an audibly: "A year from now, you will look back and say 'Wow! look at all the great things God has done in our lives' and your faith will grow, and you will be stronger as a family." 

I still get goosebumps whenever I think of that day.  

For us, homeschooling is step one of the plan He has for us, and I strongly believe that God will not reveal step two, until we follow step one. It's not only a test of obedience, it's a test of faith and trust.

So I have decided to be obedient because I trust that God is good and He is sovereign; I know His plan for my family - for my children, for my husband, for me - is much much bigger than me, and I can choose to be part of the plan (by following His calling), or I can try to do what I think is right [easier] and miss the opportunity to see His work in me.

About the good times

I've been feeling some conviction from the Holy Spirit lately... 

In a world with so much social media "filter", where we only see what others want us to see - usually only the good stuff, the "perfect" - I set out to talk about the raw, real life moments, yet in the process, I failed to talk about the good moments... and there are good moments, we do have good days and sometimes we have really good days. 

For instance, last week we went to the dentist. I know for some parents, taking their kids to the dentist is difficult and challenging, but my kids like going to the dentist and tend to cooperate (most of the time), so our usual problem is more due to over excitement. However, we had a great visit last time, it was more than great! The kids did as they were told, they made polite conversation with the doctors and staff, they WALKED the whole time (if your kids are anything like mine, then you know what a challenge it is to get them to go from point A to point B without running). I can actually say I enjoyed taking the kids to the dentist this time... go figure.

As a reward, that day they got to choose what they wanted for dinner, even if it was muffins from the grocery store bakery and smoothie... I gladly let them have it. It was a good day.

So for the rest of the week (this was a Monday), I held on to that great day, to the hope of another, because parenting is not easy! We will have lots of good days and lots of bad days, and if we hold on to the good ones and learn to quickly let go of the bad ones, move one (which I'm working on), we can enjoy life [parenting years] a lot more. And if we surround ourselves by a "tribe" of great parents who will encourage us on the bad days and remind us of the good days, life will be even better.

  

About patience

A few days ago I was catching up with a friend over text message (anyone else rarely talk on the phone with anyone other their mom, and occasionally mother in law?). She asked (as some people do every time they talk to me... maybe expecting a different answer?) if we are still set on homeschooling next fall, and when I said yes, she said she doesn't think she has the patience home school...

This is one of the comments I get the most when it comes to home schooling,  and it doesn't surprise me at all... You see,  I too once believed I wasn't patient enough, nor smart enough, nor organized enough...the list goes on... And you know what, these are all lies!

The truth is, though we may not feel qualified at the time, God will always equip us to fulfill our calling. For our family, homeschooling is our next step, it's where God is leading us. But this is not a post about home schooling, its about patience. 

Patience is not only a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), which means it's already in us, I think patience is also like a muscle. When I first started working out, I wasn't as strong as I am now (almost 4 years later), I didn't have as much endurance as I have now, my core muscles were weak (especially after having 3 kids in 4 years). Yet by working hard, I have built endurance, by pushing my body to the limit and then some, making micro-tears in my muscles and bones, my body has become stronger, thus making me physically and mentally stronger. I think the same is true for patience... I mean, there's a reason why people say "never ask God for patience, because he will give you more opportunities to be patience"... I can tell you from experience, THIS IS SO TRUE! 

But why won't God just give us the patience? If our God is all good and almighty, why make us work for it? It's because He loves us! If we could just change the way our body looks without working out, we would look a certain way, but we would not gain strength nor have as much endurance, we would not grow . If God just gave us the patience we need, instead of having us work on it, we will have patience, but we would miss the opportunity to become wiser and grow in faith. 

"Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance." Rom 5:3 AMP

So I choose every day to reject the lie that I am not qualified. 

I declare by faith that that the Fruit of the Spirit is already in me.

I choose to trust that God will not call me to something He has not prepared me for. 

And I can already see how God is working in me. 

Will it be easy? No! Will it be worth it? Absolutely! 

The time I chose to make time for myself

Friend: I am impressed... 

Me: huh? impressed by what?

Friend: I'm impressed about how you make plans to do things for yourself and actually follow through, that's impressive; I wish I could do that.   

This happened a few days ago, which got me thinking about what my usual day looks like... I really don't feel like I make time for myself per-say, it just feels like a normal day, though it wasn't always like that.

When I first became a stay at home mom, I was determined to find my "rhythm". I was so desperate to be home with my kids, I felt like I needed to make up for the three years I "missed out on" with my firstborn, and the year and a half with my middle child. My youngest was about 4 months old and was nursing non-stop; I was obsessed with keeping the house clean and neat all the time, I wanted to cook something new every day, to be a good wife for my husband when he came home from work... I became exhausted and overwhelmed very quickly trying to be the best mom, the best homemaker and the best wife... 

something had to change, but I didn't know what.

As I looked at other women around, I noticed I wasn't' alone, most moms I knew were also striving to be the best and being very hard on themselves when they failed to meet their own super high standards. My own mom, who is an amazing mom and has always been there for my sisters and I, has always been more mom than anything else, even as a full-time working mother; she taught me how to be a devoted, fun, loving, praying mom, but failed to teach me how to make time for myself, how to be more than just a mom; and I don't blame her. From the moment we find out we're pregnant, we become moms, and our kids become priority, we would die for them, and that's okay. But it's also okay to take care of ourselves.

It took some trial and error and a bit of "rewiring", but I slowly learned how to find balance.

Although I love spending time with my kids and my husband, I have learned that I can't give what I don't have, I can't pour onto my family if I are near empty - sort of like the whole "put on your oxygen mask first" thing.

So I started with something small, like working out from home (Hellooo endorphins!). 

Then I made a rule for the kids: once I sit down to eat, they are not allowed to ask for anything until I'm done (Hellooo hot coffee!). 

Then I decided to join a gym, with child care, because once the kids stopped napping altogether, a 20 minute workout at home would usually turn into a 60 minute workout. And so it went...

I also started to wake up a bit earlier to have some quiet time where I pray, journal, worship... sometimes I just sit there quiet (but that's a whole 'nother blog post).

As a result, the kids started to respect my time, especially meal time (huge win!) and even began to help set the table so we can all eat together - which means more family time. My husband has also been very good at helping reinforce this.

I have learned to relaxed about wanting trying to have everything perfect.

I have learned that being a good mom doesn't mean being just a mom.

I have learned to stop setting unreachable standards and expectations.

I have learned that the mom who seems to have it all together and can do it all, has moments of feeling exhausted and depleted, just as I do.

I have learned that we can help each other by being real and cutting ourselves - and other moms - some slack for not being involved in everything.

Being a mom is amazing and rewarding, but its also exhausting and draining, so its not only okay to make some time for yourself, it is a necessity. We can build better relationships with other moms in the raw, real struggles of life than in a competition to see who does more. Do what you can and invest time on your family, but never forget to make time for yourself, eventually it will becomes second nature. 

You are a good mom!   

About God's voice

Wouldn't it be amazing if there was a phone, a direct line, that we could just pick up and hear God's voice?

That would be awesome! But... it's not exactly how it works, is it?

It's not that our good Father doesn't want to talk to us, the truth is He wants to be near us, He loves us... but I think if we had a direct line, we would take His voice for granted and we would not seek Him.

He speaks to us in a whisper, so we have to lean in, be still, quiet our heart and mind. God created us with a need for relationship with others, but ultimately with Him. He wants to draw us to Him not only to guide us, He also wants us to know about everything Jesus already did for us, so our relationship can  be built on love, grace and truth, instead of fear, guilt and condemnation.

So lets say we took some time to pray, lean in and listen, and we are now sensing God is leading us in a certain direction... but how do we know it's God's voice? Here are some "filters" from the pastor at Valley Creek Church* that have definitely helped me discern and confirm His voice:

1. Does it align with scripture? What God is saying will never contradict what He has already said [in His word]. 
2. Does godly consul confirm it? We can ask some of our close [godly] friends, mentor, or someone we trust who is spiritually mature, to pray with us and see what God is telling them about our situation.
3. Is there a sacred echo? When it's really God talking to us, we will hear and see confirmation over and over in our everyday life, even when we're not looking for it. 
4. Does it lead us to Jesus? Where ever He is leading us will always bring us closer to Him. 

Living in the will of God makes all the difference. It will help us mature spiritually and bring us joy; leaning in will bring upon a closer relationship with our Creator who loves us more than we will ever understand. 

Lets spend more time leaning in... He has a lot to say to us.

*here is the link to the message from Valley Creek Church, in case you want to listen to it.   

The time I decided to hold my ground

"It's not a big deal so I will just ignore it"... That right there is what's wrong with our generation, that is the problem!

I'm usually the follow-the-rules, don't-stir-the-pot, avoid-confrontation type. I grew up thinking all confrontation is unhealthy and would be seen as bad testimony. As I grew into an adult, I came to the realization that some confrontation is not only healthy, its sometimes necessary, yet nurture takes over at times. However, recently a situation came up where I felt very convicted about my usual way of doing things (or more like "go with the flow" and not do a thing), and after spending some time seeking God and asking for prayer, I sensed God leading me to stand firm and try to make a difference, even if just a small difference.

You see, it's easy to just let go of things when they don't affect us directly or "it's not a big deal", but what happens when it actually does affect us? What if the first person who went through the situation had taken a stand, paving the way for when you had to go through it?

Well that's what I'm hoping to accomplish in this situation, to pave the way to future homeschooling parents, by not giving in to my son's elementary school's request for information [not required by law] regarding our upcoming home school endeavor.

Let me give you some background: 
Texas law is one of the most favorable for homeschooling. Per law, all I need to do is notify the school in writing (by mail or email) of my intention to home school, that's it. It's one of the many benefits of living in this great state. Unfortunately, some School Districts are not aware of the law, or choose to ignore it and request additional information "for their records" or "to protect the child", and while Im sure they most likely have the best intentions by doing this (and no, I dont think they are "out there to get me"), it robs us of our freedom and of our right.

This is the form I was given at my son's school:

What's the big deal about this form you ask? Well, that's exactly what I thought... at first...yet the more I read through it, the more anxiety I felt, I just didn't feel peace; so I sought advice from the ladies in my home school facebook group, many who have been doing it for years and some live in Texas as well. I found a lot of support, good advise and wise insight. One lady pointed out something I didn't even notice about that paragraph in the middle, she said:

"In that paragraph there is enough to give them legal grounds to say you aren't properly homeschooling, not using the curriculum they allow, essentially giving the school bird oversight into their homeschool."

WOW! After reading the paragraph again, it's all I could say, WOW! I didn't even think about it in that way, seem I didn't fully understand the paragraph! (God is so good to me!) The lady who posted this comment has no idea what a huge blessing she was to me with this. 

People, We need to be informed. 

We need to do research,

We need to know our rights, and defend them!

As Christ followers we want everything we do to reflect Christ, but that doesn't meat we need to say yes to everything nor ask questions. In fact, having all the information will enable us to make wiser decisions and in this situation, it's become clear to me that not completing this form helps protects our rights and the freedom offered by this state's law, and though I may never know exactly how much I really "helped" the next parent who walks into the school to withdrawal their child, at least I know I was obedient to what God called me to do in this situation....

We can protect our rights while still being kind and godly.

The time I almost sent a withdrawl letter to my kids' public school

The day was finally here... I was about to press "send" on an email that would officially notifying my kids' school of our decision to home school... or so I thought...

When we made the decision to home school, we started doing lots of research; this let us to the Texas Home School Coalition's website, which has been extremely informative. There, I found a Withdrawal Sample letter/email to send to the school.

A few months later (around Jan 2016) I decided to call the school district's office just to see what they had to say. The person who assisted me was very nice, she said all I needed to do was send a letter of intent to the principal and call student services to inform them, but she recommended I wait until the end of the school year (unless I was planning on starting to home school right away), so I did.

In mid May; I was at the elementary school and decided to stop by the office to see if they can tell me who needs to receive the withdrawal letter regarding my daughter. She was in pk4, in the ISD system but would have been going to a different school. To my surprise, they gave me a form to complete. This form asks for basic information (name, current school, grade, etc.), but it also asks for the name of the curriculum we will be using... As far as I'm concerned, Texas law does not require home schools to provide anything other than our intent to homes school-not that I mind providing that information, just don't see the need if its not required. 

So I read through the THSC website again, and read this:

I know it may seem a bit silly to some, but its a bit frustrating to have to do extra stuff that is not required by law. It kind of makes me feel like they are adding extra hurdles to jump through for the sake of making it difficult, and since I'm usually a rule-follower, I usually just end up jumping through all the hoops that are put in front of me... 

But where do we draw the line? 

Its one thing to follow the rules, God calls us to obey our earthly authorities, but I fear that I will need a bigger backbone to stand up for my kids and how we obey and follow God's calling for our family, which sometimes means not follow all the earthly rules. 

In situations like these - doing one thing or the other I don't think would be considered disobedience in God's eyes - what we need to do is pray, even about things that may seem small or insignificant, and seek godly consul. When we start to seek God in every situation, big (I'm good at this one) or small (I really struggle with this one) we get used to including Him in our everyday lives and not only does our relationship with Him grow, we also grow as Christ followers so He can trust us with bigger revelation and bring upon greater breakthrough. 

...sigh...

So for now, that's what I'll do. 

The time I joined a mommy group

Before becoming a SAHM (stay at home mom) I had now idea there was such thing as a "mommy group". In fact, they even have websites entirely devoted to helping you find your "tribe". Whether you're a single parent, a stay at home mom, a working mom, a single person in your 30's, divorced, like to dance, like to read, they even have a group for classic rock aficionados!

Anyway,  at the begging of 2013 I decide to get out there and be social, like in person not behind a computer, I decided to give it a try, and joined my first mommy group. We had only been in Texas for a couple of months, but I was feeling the need for community (and conversations with other adults).

This group was great and FREE. I made a couple of really good friends (sadly they have both moved away now, but that's a story for another day), and enjoyed having a group of women who were in similar seasons of parenting as I was. We had lots of play dates, visited many parks and learned all the mommy lingo. Until then, terms like "crunchy mom" or "helicopter parent" were all foreign to me. Soon I was hosting play dates and planning trips while minding all the rules.  

I was surprised at how welcoming these women were (making a great impression of Texas), and their willingness to help each other with little to now judgement. You see, when I was working full time, I never had time - or energy - to meet new mommy friends, and the friends I had before I had kids, were still having fun and partying it up in South Beach; not to mention I was in the daze of pregnancy or nursing between 2008 and 2013. In this mommy group, I made time to slow down and make new friends, I wanted to get to know other moms, learn their stories and how they came to be SAHMs just like me. I was so proud of myself for putting myself out there and stepping out of my comfort zone. As for my kids, they flourished into social butterflies, they had fun and immediately fell in love with Texas.

I am so grateful for that group, and was so sad when it dissolved - well it didn't really dissolved, it was more like it moved further north than I was willing to travel for a 2 hour play date - it was great way to meet new people and learn about all the fun things to do in a new town. It was great, still it was time to move on.

The time I cried in the playground parking lot... and the entire ride home

The day started like any other Saturday. We had breakfast, got dressed and headed out to the the playground with some friends. The kids played, I played with them, I chatted with some of the other moms, told them about my plan to be more kind to my kids (I should've figured there'd be a trial there after saying that out loud)... and then it was time to go. 

I gave them the usual "ten more minutes guys", and started counting down from there, but the oldest decided to tease and taunt "we're not leaving! come on guys [to his siblings], lets get up here where she can't reach us!" I responded with a firm tone, trying to stay as calm as possible, somehow expecting them to follow orders, although in all honesty, I felt the situation slowly slipping out of my hands.

In my head, the thoughts racing: What should I do? Yell? Grab all three of them, at once? Spank them in the middle of the playground? Make some more threats? Nothing I was saying was working, changing my tone made no difference.

When I finally got two of the kids walking towards the car, I ran after the little one and carried him to the car with me. That's when I discovered the oldest (who is almost 7 years old now) in about 2 inches of mud, and the little one ran out off the car faster than I could catch him, into the same mud puddle!

This was it, I had run out of patience!! 

I picked up the boys like potato sacks and took them to the car as they screamed and cried. Once inside, I turned around and before I could utter a word, the tears started flowing  down my face, I just could not stop! 

I cried and cried; I ugly cried all the way home... 

I cried out of frustration.

I cried because I felt  defeated.

I cried in despair.

I cried to God for help, for guidance.

When we got home they wash their hands and went to their room; I went to the bathroom to cry some more.

The next few hours I swam in a pool of emotions from how to establish consequences to just asking God for clarity. My mind racing: They should receive a spanking...but that's not really how I want to handle this. I should extend grace... but grace without truth is not enough. I should keep them in their room all day... but though they are calm right now, eventually they will just start acting crazy again. 

God, what do I do? What do you want to show me? Is this about me or them? 

This is about me, isn't it?! About my relationship with you Father."

Soon after, my oldest came out of his room to ask if I hated them because they hurt my feelings; he asked why I wanted them to stay in their room, away from me. I replied "I don't hate you, I love you very much... but right now I'm sad, hurt, disappointed. I love you guys, but don't like you guys very much right now...

This brought me to tears again... it hurt so much to say these words, yet, it was the truth... I will always love them, but sometimes I need some space.

When I finally stilled my heart, the thought about how God never wants to be far from us came to me... How our heavenly Father wants to be with us, to be near, always. We ignore Him, run from Him, reject Him, refuse to obey, yet He still wants us! WOW!

How good is our Father.

How marvelous our God.

How amazing His grace.

How undeserving His favor.

I'm still waiting to hear from Him on how to I can help my kids with obedience and how to be a better mom, but until then, I have comfort in the hope of my loving Father, who will never leave me nor forsake me.

The time at DQ

Today I thought I'd do something fun with the kids on this beautiful sunny day in Texas, so I came up with the very bright idea to take all three kids to DQ for dinner, without my husband.

Already predicting the over-excitement, since it was our first time there, I give them the usual talk before leaving the car: "ok guys, we're here. Please remember that this is a restaurant, a place where lots of people go to eat, so be respectful of others, no getting on top of the tables, no running... basically anything you know is not ok to do in a restaurant, just don't do it. Let make good choices and act like big boys and girl." To which they reply with an enthusiastic "Yes ma'am".

As soon as we get out of the car my oldest starts to run towards the door (sigh), but I just take a breath and move on (I mean, they're kids, its gonna happen). We go inside and before we're even done ordering, two out of the three children are fighting. I respond in a tone equally filled with annoyance, sadness and stress  "boooys, calm down, remember our talk".

We walk to the back and find a booth; I sit the little one by my side, the older two across, then wait for the food to come. The kids finally settle down (only took about 5 minutes) and start eating. We talk about their day, joke around a bit, enjoy family time - this is fun, this I love, I wish it could always be like this.

They finish their food so it's time for them to go choose a treat - they had no idea the kids' meal came with a treat, which totally made up for the fact that it didn't come with a toy - you can see the excitement building up... Once they eat their ice cream you can see the effects of the sugar almost immediately... and its all downhill from here.

The oldest boy runs around the restaurant, jumps up onto the counter the holds the beverages and sits there for a couple of seconds before grabbing a few straws, jumping off and running around again...

The youngest dances on his chair (thought that was kind of cute), and tries to "escape" to join big brother, this means jumping over mommy...

And the girl, she just whines about her ice cream melting and dripped onto her hands and clothes... oh and in case you didn't know, ice cream is too cold.

I start to feel pressure in my head, not sure if its from my sinuses (I'd been dealing with a sinus infection for over a week)or that feeling we all get when our kids are acting like wind-up toys and we don't know if to scream, tie then to a chair or just run away...  the headache slowly creeps in, the blood rushes to my head... That's when I loose it and I uttered those two words that are usually followed by some promise I probably won't keep: THAT'S IT! As soon as we arrived home you will take a shower, brush your teeth and go straight to bed! 

By then I was frazzled and kept thinking "I'm.never.ever.doing.this.again, EVER!!"

Once home, the boys march together to one bathroom and the girl to another, while I go for a walk and talk to my mom on the phone [since husband is already home].

I complain about how crazy the kids behaved today, confessed I felt like I didn't know what to do or how to handle it [them]. I don't want to be a mean mom or spend all our time together reprimanding them, nor constantly revoking privileges. 

Am I being too soft on them, or too hard on them? Do they require more consequences or good 'ol spankings? Am I crazy and totally overreacting? 

She just listens (I love my mom, she always listens).

Then she tells me about a lady who works under her supervision. She had been giving them [management] some trouble, yet my mom chose to show her grace; she chose to acknowledge the good things this employee has done in her current role; my mom identified with her, she told this employee how much she reminds my mom of my sisters and me in different aspects of her life... she chose kindness, in spite of the way her employee was acting, grace won... and guess what? That employee, a few days later, out of nowhere, went to management to apologize for the way she had been acting, saying she was amazed and grateful for the way she has been treated even when she has been trying to stir up trouble... talk about things only God can do....

Immediately Romans 2:4 came to mind about how It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance, and as the words were coming out of my mouth, I could sense the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart be kind my beloved daughter, be kind because I am kind. 

That's what I need to do with my kids. Not be more strict, not be mean, not punish more... be kind. Now that's a challenge! How do you choose kindness when you are exhausted and frustrated? When all you ask of your children is that they listen when you talk to them and stop when you ask them to stop?

The answer: We ask God.

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." 1 John 5:14 NIV

We, as parents, are the very first example our kids get to see of God's character. If my kids can say nothing about me, other than they know that I love God and love people, I could die knowing I left a legacy to them.... but how can they say this if I can't extend grace to them through kindness?

We can only show grace to the extent that we have received grace from God. Lets be open to receive His grace today. 

About mommy guilt...

Last weekend was mother's day. I had a wonderful, relaxing day with husband and kids. They honored me with handmade cards and workout clothes (which I always welcome), our morning was calm. We didn't make it to church, so I downloaded the podcast so I can listen to the message in the car... and WOW let me tell you, the whole message was amazing.

I have not stopped thinking about the whole message all week, especially this statement:

"The purpose that God has for your kids' lives, the plans and destiny He has for your children is so much bigger than you as a mom, as a parent, that there's nothing you're going to do or fail to do that is going to stop His plan. Let go of control and surrender your child to God."

What a statement of freedom! 

God is good and He is sovereign! He loves our kids far more than we are humanly able to love them, more than we will ever understand. He gave us everything, He gave us His Son! The Cross alone is proof enough of His goodness, His love.

So, why do we guilt ourselves into thinking we are messing up our children? Its time we give ourselves and other parents some grace, its time to trust that all things are under God's rule and control, that nothing happens without His direction and permission. Its time we live in the freedom that Jesus paid such high a price to gift to us. 

Lets do our best, lets seek God first and lets surrender control, so we can live in freedom.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Galatians 5:1(a) 

 Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there, no matter how you became a mom, and never forget, 

You are a good mom, a good parent! 

A lot has changed...

A lot has changed since I last posted about us moving from Miami to Texas. Boy that trip was fun (NOT!). Almost 4 years ago, my husband and I decide to drive from FL to the big state, with a 3 month old, a 1 and a half year old and a 3 year old... and we decide to do this on black Friday of all days... Who does that?! Well apparently we do.

I can't say the trip was horrible, though I still remember it like it was yesterday; lots of snacks and movies for the kids, took lots of pictures, visited almost every rest stop from Florida to Texas, 3 night in 3 different hotels, and lots of stops to nurse a cranky baby. That kid hated the car seat! Its the biggest change we had ever made as a family, and probably the second biggest move of my life (the first was moving from NJ to the Dominican Republic when I was 10 years old), and we were happy to be traveling together, making new family memories.  

Its funny how we usually remember only the good times - I think its God's gift to us. I remember being excited about a new begging, about exploring our new town, going from working a full time job outside my home, to becoming a stay at home mom; in my mind, moving was the best thing ever, our own little fairy tale. It wasn't until a few months ago, when a friend moved to TX and was having a hard time adjusting, that I stopped to remember how emotionally taxing this new "normal" was for me. I didn't have any friends, I had no family near by, and all our furniture was stuck somewhere in between TN and TX, so we slept on inflatable mattresses and had "picnics" on the living room floor every day for over a month. I would have never admitted it back then - I didn't want my parents to worry-  but I missed my parents and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, the huge support system we had in Miami. Before we knew Christmas was here, and since all our money went into the move, we could barley afford to get presents for the kids, let alone a Christmas tree... oh and we still had no furniture. I had my husband and my kids with me, yet I felt sad and alone, and let down by my own expectations of how things "should have been". We were created to live in community and this truth became evident to me that Christmas eve, when we accepted and invitation to spend Noche Buena (big Christmas Eve party) with a group of people we didn't know very well and didn't have much in common with... lets just say it was interesting.
I am thankful for that family who opened the doors to their home on that emotional (for me) Christmas Eve, but that crazy party made me realize it was time to get out of my comfort zone and take actions.
I was on a mission to find new friends, to build community, to make a life in Texas, to make this my home. And so the journey began.