The time with the letter from [public] school

Since the time we started praying about the possibility of homeschooling, starting next fall [2016], I have been on a roller coaster of emotions... mostly highs, with a few lows here and there; at times, its hard not to feel overwhelmed when you have a strong-willed smart-ass 6 year old boy, one very sarcastic, witty, persistent 5 year old girl and a young, immature, 3 year old who loves his role as little brother (and thinks its his mission to make everyone laugh). Other times it's just me doubting my identity in Christ - I am who He says I am... I've noticed this usually happens when my relationship with God isn't the strongest, when I lose sight of Him.

However, last week, was completely different. My doubts didn't come from the usual sources, they came from a letter I received from my youngest son's school saying we "qualify" for free full-time pk4, due to additional government funding this school received.
As I read through the letter, I considered the idea of being kid-free from 7:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I'm not gonna lie, for a moment I went off to daydream of the endless possibilities, of what my life would look like if I had a full seven hours to myself... and then, as if my bubble was popped by a pin in hand, I returned to reality, and immediately felt a "tug" in my heart, almost like a "wake-up!" slap by the Holy Spirit, along with a very clear reminder of the promise He made to me when He planted the idea of homeschooling in my heart.

Some might say actually said to me: Why don't you just send them to school next year, then consider homeschooling the year after that? The answer to that is simple: Sending my kids to public school, just so I can have 7 (glorious) kid-free hours, 5 times a week, would be completely selfish. I know homeschooling will not be easy. I know some days I will want to quit. I know some days I will have the need to leave the kids with my husband so I can go [anywhere] catch my breath and recharge. I know there will be times when the kids need a break for me, too... But I also know that this is our next step, this is where God is leading us, it's my family's journey.

The first time I prayed, really prayed, about the next step for our family, He promised me he would do great things in us and though us; that day, I sensed Him say, almost in an audibly: "A year from now, you will look back and say 'Wow! look at all the great things God has done in our lives' and your faith will grow, and you will be stronger as a family." 

I still get goosebumps whenever I think of that day.  

For us, homeschooling is step one of the plan He has for us, and I strongly believe that God will not reveal step two, until we follow step one. It's not only a test of obedience, it's a test of faith and trust.

So I have decided to be obedient because I trust that God is good and He is sovereign; I know His plan for my family - for my children, for my husband, for me - is much much bigger than me, and I can choose to be part of the plan (by following His calling), or I can try to do what I think is right [easier] and miss the opportunity to see His work in me.

About the good times

I've been feeling some conviction from the Holy Spirit lately... 

In a world with so much social media "filter", where we only see what others want us to see - usually only the good stuff, the "perfect" - I set out to talk about the raw, real life moments, yet in the process, I failed to talk about the good moments... and there are good moments, we do have good days and sometimes we have really good days. 

For instance, last week we went to the dentist. I know for some parents, taking their kids to the dentist is difficult and challenging, but my kids like going to the dentist and tend to cooperate (most of the time), so our usual problem is more due to over excitement. However, we had a great visit last time, it was more than great! The kids did as they were told, they made polite conversation with the doctors and staff, they WALKED the whole time (if your kids are anything like mine, then you know what a challenge it is to get them to go from point A to point B without running). I can actually say I enjoyed taking the kids to the dentist this time... go figure.

As a reward, that day they got to choose what they wanted for dinner, even if it was muffins from the grocery store bakery and smoothie... I gladly let them have it. It was a good day.

So for the rest of the week (this was a Monday), I held on to that great day, to the hope of another, because parenting is not easy! We will have lots of good days and lots of bad days, and if we hold on to the good ones and learn to quickly let go of the bad ones, move one (which I'm working on), we can enjoy life [parenting years] a lot more. And if we surround ourselves by a "tribe" of great parents who will encourage us on the bad days and remind us of the good days, life will be even better.

  

About patience

A few days ago I was catching up with a friend over text message (anyone else rarely talk on the phone with anyone other their mom, and occasionally mother in law?). She asked (as some people do every time they talk to me... maybe expecting a different answer?) if we are still set on homeschooling next fall, and when I said yes, she said she doesn't think she has the patience home school...

This is one of the comments I get the most when it comes to home schooling,  and it doesn't surprise me at all... You see,  I too once believed I wasn't patient enough, nor smart enough, nor organized enough...the list goes on... And you know what, these are all lies!

The truth is, though we may not feel qualified at the time, God will always equip us to fulfill our calling. For our family, homeschooling is our next step, it's where God is leading us. But this is not a post about home schooling, its about patience. 

Patience is not only a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), which means it's already in us, I think patience is also like a muscle. When I first started working out, I wasn't as strong as I am now (almost 4 years later), I didn't have as much endurance as I have now, my core muscles were weak (especially after having 3 kids in 4 years). Yet by working hard, I have built endurance, by pushing my body to the limit and then some, making micro-tears in my muscles and bones, my body has become stronger, thus making me physically and mentally stronger. I think the same is true for patience... I mean, there's a reason why people say "never ask God for patience, because he will give you more opportunities to be patience"... I can tell you from experience, THIS IS SO TRUE! 

But why won't God just give us the patience? If our God is all good and almighty, why make us work for it? It's because He loves us! If we could just change the way our body looks without working out, we would look a certain way, but we would not gain strength nor have as much endurance, we would not grow . If God just gave us the patience we need, instead of having us work on it, we will have patience, but we would miss the opportunity to become wiser and grow in faith. 

"Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance." Rom 5:3 AMP

So I choose every day to reject the lie that I am not qualified. 

I declare by faith that that the Fruit of the Spirit is already in me.

I choose to trust that God will not call me to something He has not prepared me for. 

And I can already see how God is working in me. 

Will it be easy? No! Will it be worth it? Absolutely! 

The time I chose to make time for myself

Friend: I am impressed... 

Me: huh? impressed by what?

Friend: I'm impressed about how you make plans to do things for yourself and actually follow through, that's impressive; I wish I could do that.   

This happened a few days ago, which got me thinking about what my usual day looks like... I really don't feel like I make time for myself per-say, it just feels like a normal day, though it wasn't always like that.

When I first became a stay at home mom, I was determined to find my "rhythm". I was so desperate to be home with my kids, I felt like I needed to make up for the three years I "missed out on" with my firstborn, and the year and a half with my middle child. My youngest was about 4 months old and was nursing non-stop; I was obsessed with keeping the house clean and neat all the time, I wanted to cook something new every day, to be a good wife for my husband when he came home from work... I became exhausted and overwhelmed very quickly trying to be the best mom, the best homemaker and the best wife... 

something had to change, but I didn't know what.

As I looked at other women around, I noticed I wasn't' alone, most moms I knew were also striving to be the best and being very hard on themselves when they failed to meet their own super high standards. My own mom, who is an amazing mom and has always been there for my sisters and I, has always been more mom than anything else, even as a full-time working mother; she taught me how to be a devoted, fun, loving, praying mom, but failed to teach me how to make time for myself, how to be more than just a mom; and I don't blame her. From the moment we find out we're pregnant, we become moms, and our kids become priority, we would die for them, and that's okay. But it's also okay to take care of ourselves.

It took some trial and error and a bit of "rewiring", but I slowly learned how to find balance.

Although I love spending time with my kids and my husband, I have learned that I can't give what I don't have, I can't pour onto my family if I are near empty - sort of like the whole "put on your oxygen mask first" thing.

So I started with something small, like working out from home (Hellooo endorphins!). 

Then I made a rule for the kids: once I sit down to eat, they are not allowed to ask for anything until I'm done (Hellooo hot coffee!). 

Then I decided to join a gym, with child care, because once the kids stopped napping altogether, a 20 minute workout at home would usually turn into a 60 minute workout. And so it went...

I also started to wake up a bit earlier to have some quiet time where I pray, journal, worship... sometimes I just sit there quiet (but that's a whole 'nother blog post).

As a result, the kids started to respect my time, especially meal time (huge win!) and even began to help set the table so we can all eat together - which means more family time. My husband has also been very good at helping reinforce this.

I have learned to relaxed about wanting trying to have everything perfect.

I have learned that being a good mom doesn't mean being just a mom.

I have learned to stop setting unreachable standards and expectations.

I have learned that the mom who seems to have it all together and can do it all, has moments of feeling exhausted and depleted, just as I do.

I have learned that we can help each other by being real and cutting ourselves - and other moms - some slack for not being involved in everything.

Being a mom is amazing and rewarding, but its also exhausting and draining, so its not only okay to make some time for yourself, it is a necessity. We can build better relationships with other moms in the raw, real struggles of life than in a competition to see who does more. Do what you can and invest time on your family, but never forget to make time for yourself, eventually it will becomes second nature. 

You are a good mom!   

About God's voice

Wouldn't it be amazing if there was a phone, a direct line, that we could just pick up and hear God's voice?

That would be awesome! But... it's not exactly how it works, is it?

It's not that our good Father doesn't want to talk to us, the truth is He wants to be near us, He loves us... but I think if we had a direct line, we would take His voice for granted and we would not seek Him.

He speaks to us in a whisper, so we have to lean in, be still, quiet our heart and mind. God created us with a need for relationship with others, but ultimately with Him. He wants to draw us to Him not only to guide us, He also wants us to know about everything Jesus already did for us, so our relationship can  be built on love, grace and truth, instead of fear, guilt and condemnation.

So lets say we took some time to pray, lean in and listen, and we are now sensing God is leading us in a certain direction... but how do we know it's God's voice? Here are some "filters" from the pastor at Valley Creek Church* that have definitely helped me discern and confirm His voice:

1. Does it align with scripture? What God is saying will never contradict what He has already said [in His word]. 
2. Does godly consul confirm it? We can ask some of our close [godly] friends, mentor, or someone we trust who is spiritually mature, to pray with us and see what God is telling them about our situation.
3. Is there a sacred echo? When it's really God talking to us, we will hear and see confirmation over and over in our everyday life, even when we're not looking for it. 
4. Does it lead us to Jesus? Where ever He is leading us will always bring us closer to Him. 

Living in the will of God makes all the difference. It will help us mature spiritually and bring us joy; leaning in will bring upon a closer relationship with our Creator who loves us more than we will ever understand. 

Lets spend more time leaning in... He has a lot to say to us.

*here is the link to the message from Valley Creek Church, in case you want to listen to it.   

The time I decided to hold my ground

"It's not a big deal so I will just ignore it"... That right there is what's wrong with our generation, that is the problem!

I'm usually the follow-the-rules, don't-stir-the-pot, avoid-confrontation type. I grew up thinking all confrontation is unhealthy and would be seen as bad testimony. As I grew into an adult, I came to the realization that some confrontation is not only healthy, its sometimes necessary, yet nurture takes over at times. However, recently a situation came up where I felt very convicted about my usual way of doing things (or more like "go with the flow" and not do a thing), and after spending some time seeking God and asking for prayer, I sensed God leading me to stand firm and try to make a difference, even if just a small difference.

You see, it's easy to just let go of things when they don't affect us directly or "it's not a big deal", but what happens when it actually does affect us? What if the first person who went through the situation had taken a stand, paving the way for when you had to go through it?

Well that's what I'm hoping to accomplish in this situation, to pave the way to future homeschooling parents, by not giving in to my son's elementary school's request for information [not required by law] regarding our upcoming home school endeavor.

Let me give you some background: 
Texas law is one of the most favorable for homeschooling. Per law, all I need to do is notify the school in writing (by mail or email) of my intention to home school, that's it. It's one of the many benefits of living in this great state. Unfortunately, some School Districts are not aware of the law, or choose to ignore it and request additional information "for their records" or "to protect the child", and while Im sure they most likely have the best intentions by doing this (and no, I dont think they are "out there to get me"), it robs us of our freedom and of our right.

This is the form I was given at my son's school:

What's the big deal about this form you ask? Well, that's exactly what I thought... at first...yet the more I read through it, the more anxiety I felt, I just didn't feel peace; so I sought advice from the ladies in my home school facebook group, many who have been doing it for years and some live in Texas as well. I found a lot of support, good advise and wise insight. One lady pointed out something I didn't even notice about that paragraph in the middle, she said:

"In that paragraph there is enough to give them legal grounds to say you aren't properly homeschooling, not using the curriculum they allow, essentially giving the school bird oversight into their homeschool."

WOW! After reading the paragraph again, it's all I could say, WOW! I didn't even think about it in that way, seem I didn't fully understand the paragraph! (God is so good to me!) The lady who posted this comment has no idea what a huge blessing she was to me with this. 

People, We need to be informed. 

We need to do research,

We need to know our rights, and defend them!

As Christ followers we want everything we do to reflect Christ, but that doesn't meat we need to say yes to everything nor ask questions. In fact, having all the information will enable us to make wiser decisions and in this situation, it's become clear to me that not completing this form helps protects our rights and the freedom offered by this state's law, and though I may never know exactly how much I really "helped" the next parent who walks into the school to withdrawal their child, at least I know I was obedient to what God called me to do in this situation....

We can protect our rights while still being kind and godly.

The time I almost sent a withdrawl letter to my kids' public school

The day was finally here... I was about to press "send" on an email that would officially notifying my kids' school of our decision to home school... or so I thought...

When we made the decision to home school, we started doing lots of research; this let us to the Texas Home School Coalition's website, which has been extremely informative. There, I found a Withdrawal Sample letter/email to send to the school.

A few months later (around Jan 2016) I decided to call the school district's office just to see what they had to say. The person who assisted me was very nice, she said all I needed to do was send a letter of intent to the principal and call student services to inform them, but she recommended I wait until the end of the school year (unless I was planning on starting to home school right away), so I did.

In mid May; I was at the elementary school and decided to stop by the office to see if they can tell me who needs to receive the withdrawal letter regarding my daughter. She was in pk4, in the ISD system but would have been going to a different school. To my surprise, they gave me a form to complete. This form asks for basic information (name, current school, grade, etc.), but it also asks for the name of the curriculum we will be using... As far as I'm concerned, Texas law does not require home schools to provide anything other than our intent to homes school-not that I mind providing that information, just don't see the need if its not required. 

So I read through the THSC website again, and read this:

I know it may seem a bit silly to some, but its a bit frustrating to have to do extra stuff that is not required by law. It kind of makes me feel like they are adding extra hurdles to jump through for the sake of making it difficult, and since I'm usually a rule-follower, I usually just end up jumping through all the hoops that are put in front of me... 

But where do we draw the line? 

Its one thing to follow the rules, God calls us to obey our earthly authorities, but I fear that I will need a bigger backbone to stand up for my kids and how we obey and follow God's calling for our family, which sometimes means not follow all the earthly rules. 

In situations like these - doing one thing or the other I don't think would be considered disobedience in God's eyes - what we need to do is pray, even about things that may seem small or insignificant, and seek godly consul. When we start to seek God in every situation, big (I'm good at this one) or small (I really struggle with this one) we get used to including Him in our everyday lives and not only does our relationship with Him grow, we also grow as Christ followers so He can trust us with bigger revelation and bring upon greater breakthrough. 

...sigh...

So for now, that's what I'll do. 

The time I joined a mommy group

Before becoming a SAHM (stay at home mom) I had now idea there was such thing as a "mommy group". In fact, they even have websites entirely devoted to helping you find your "tribe". Whether you're a single parent, a stay at home mom, a working mom, a single person in your 30's, divorced, like to dance, like to read, they even have a group for classic rock aficionados!

Anyway,  at the begging of 2013 I decide to get out there and be social, like in person not behind a computer, I decided to give it a try, and joined my first mommy group. We had only been in Texas for a couple of months, but I was feeling the need for community (and conversations with other adults).

This group was great and FREE. I made a couple of really good friends (sadly they have both moved away now, but that's a story for another day), and enjoyed having a group of women who were in similar seasons of parenting as I was. We had lots of play dates, visited many parks and learned all the mommy lingo. Until then, terms like "crunchy mom" or "helicopter parent" were all foreign to me. Soon I was hosting play dates and planning trips while minding all the rules.  

I was surprised at how welcoming these women were (making a great impression of Texas), and their willingness to help each other with little to now judgement. You see, when I was working full time, I never had time - or energy - to meet new mommy friends, and the friends I had before I had kids, were still having fun and partying it up in South Beach; not to mention I was in the daze of pregnancy or nursing between 2008 and 2013. In this mommy group, I made time to slow down and make new friends, I wanted to get to know other moms, learn their stories and how they came to be SAHMs just like me. I was so proud of myself for putting myself out there and stepping out of my comfort zone. As for my kids, they flourished into social butterflies, they had fun and immediately fell in love with Texas.

I am so grateful for that group, and was so sad when it dissolved - well it didn't really dissolved, it was more like it moved further north than I was willing to travel for a 2 hour play date - it was great way to meet new people and learn about all the fun things to do in a new town. It was great, still it was time to move on.