The time everyone else went to school

Today is the first day of school for our district... and although the decision to homeschool had already been made a while ago, and we've been referring to ourselves as a homeschooling family, today, things got very real!! There's no turning back now!

I know, I know, technically, we can decide that homeschooling is not right for us and try to enroll the kids in public school at any time, and our kids will most likely be accepted, but scrolling through Facebook and seeing so many "first day of school" posts makes it feel so much more official; even though the plan is to wait until after Labor Day to start our official learning journey.  

Anyway, as if Facebook wasn't enough to make me think about our choice, today the kids have made it their mission to remind me of one of the biggest questions I've had since the idea of homeschooling started brewing in my heart: Can we really handle the emotional and spiritual part of homeschooling?

(It also doesn't help that I'm PMSing)

Today, my children have decided to fight each other more, to make an extra big mess, to ignore the words coming out of my mouth more... basically anything that could make me regret the decision, and after about 45 minutes of them fighting, crying, hitting each other, crying, throwing toys, crying, calling each other names and crying, I thought "I will go and pray with them! That will make things better"  I marched in there, we sat in a circle in the middle of the room, we held hands and I began to pray. "Dear God, please help us behave in a way that pleases you, help us to use the fruit of the spirit already in us so we can..." and as I prayed they made faces and wiggled and mocked my every word, anything to ensure the prayer would end with mommy yelling.... somehow though, by the grace of God, I managed to leave the room without changing my tone, but I couldn't finish the prayer with them.

Instead, I walked out, ran almost, fell to my knees in the living room, with tears in my eyes and tried to pray through the frustration  "Jesus I need you today. Help me please! Holy Spirit fill this home with your presence, I can't do this without you. Help me good Father, help me please!"

How did my day turn into such a disappointment? I woke up happy because I was able to get some sleep after being sick for a few days. I woke up excited for the fun week I had planned for my kids while most of their friends are in school. I woke up looking forward to some Holy Yoga (yes, that's a thing, its awesome!).
I had such high expectations for this day, I had plans...

Ins't this a lot like life though? We build up the expectation of how things are supposed to be, we make plans, and then life happens, everything changes, our world turns upside down even if just for a moment, especially if you are a planner (anyone else like to make plans and once the plans are made, might as well be "set on stone"?). But life is about making choices, I had a choice to make: I could continue to wallow over how horrible the kids were behaving and how out-of-control my hormones were making me feel, OR I could decide to not let anyone or anything steal my joy. I chose the latter.

I chose joy. I put on some worship music and decided to extend some grace. Instead of going over how I want them to behave, we went for a walk and talked about God's grace and God's mercy. I told them about how much God loves me even when I fall short. I told them about His work on the cross for all of us, about the fact that there is nothing we can do that will make Him love us less... "I am choosing to extend some grace to you because God continues to extend grace to me, over and over, and I want to be more like Jesus" - that's how our conversation ended as we walked in the door.

So as I sit on my couch, typing, reflecting on our day, I finally confronted that question I mentioned earlier, one that I have honestly been avoiding... and I know now, for certain, that although the spiritual and emotional side of homeschooling wont be easy, we can all choose joy, every day, as a family, and hold on to His victory on the cross to overcome anything life throws at us, knowing that He will work it all for our good.  

Learning the first things first

I've been away for a while... we've had a lot going on with my little one's birthday and family visiting... plus planning for our first year of homeschooling.

Anyway, a bit after we decided that homeschooling was right for our family, I started doing research on the different styles of homeschooling and created a rough outline of subject and topics we would like to help our children learn. Though I wasn't one hundred percent sure of what would work and how much is too much (I still don't know, and to be honest, I believe we wont know for sure until we actually start), one thing I was sure of, still am, is that our days would start with God's word.

A few weeks after that, a friend told me about Kids of Integrity, which is a great resource and so it was decided: we would use this for our Character Building/Bible/Devotional part of the day. I started planning our days using KOI, I looked through the different lessons and determined we would start with Obedience. It seemed fitting, it felt right, it was logical. Starting the school year, our very first year of homeschooling, by talking about Obedience made so much sense... for me. I was thinking only of myself when I made this decision. I didn't pray about it, I didn't even talk to my husband about it. It will be my first year of helping my kids learn new things, of spending ALL DAY with them, so of course, obedience makes total sense...but God had other plans, I just didn't know it yet. It wasn't until this week, Monday to be specific, that God showed me how much more important, how much better it is to start by discussing God's goodness instead. Start with the first and most important thing.

My first reaction was of hesitation "why wouldn't God want me to help them understand how important it is to obey?" but the longer I sat in the middle of the early morning worship and prayer service we had this week, the more He revealed to me how much more can be accomplished, how much identity and life can be received by focusing on His goodness.

God is good. He is so so good; and in this world we are living in, we don't need a reminder of where we fall short, we need a reminder of how good He is! 

God doesn't want us to obey Him because we have to, He wants obedience to come as a response to how much we love Him, because He loved us first. 

So we are still planning on using KOI, its a great resource, but first, we will spend as much time as we need in understanding and accepting the goodness of our amazing God, which I'm working on right now.

Praying I can have a "lesson plan" ready by the time we start school.

How do you help your children learn about God? What's your main focus?

The time with the B.O.

I was at the gym this morning, loving life and thanking God for healing my finger so quickly. What happened to my finger you ask? Well yesterday morning my finger ended up between a barbell and the bottom of a bench, causing it to swell by the hour and turn purple, black and blue. It was painful, I couldn't hold much with that hand and was afraid it would mess up my plans to work out the rest of the week. But this morning the swelling had gone down quite a bit and the pain was almost nonexistent.

Anyway, where was I... oh yeah, so I'm at the gym, thinking of all good things when suddenly, the smell of lavender and lemongrass from my somewhat natural deodorant starts to dissipate. I begin to question my choice of deodorant for today and my inhales become stronger as I try very hard to remember if I did in fact use deodorant before leaving the house. "Maybe I just forgot..." I thought to myself, "...it wouldn't be the first time". At this point, I start to sweat [a lot more], which would have been normal if I'd been in the middle of my workout, but I've only been 10 minutes. I can't help but wonder if it would be totally weird if I dig my nose into my underarm arm pit to confirm my suspicions, so I can spare the rest of the dedicated gym-goers who made it there before 9am such odor pollution... when suddenly, the odor disappears, along with the person next to me... and all is well again, I can even smell the lavender and lemongrass again.

(insert sigh of relief)

This moment has played over and over in my head, as if God has something to teach me, and a few thoughts came to mind:

The first thought is how proud I am of myself for not saying (whether out loud or in my head) something mean or snarky, or anything along those lines about the situation. Instead, I thought of the times I have forgotten deodorant (come on, we've all been there at one point or another) and how uncomfortable of a situation it is. I thought of how some of the times I've had the worst B.O. it's been due to hormones, not poor hygiene. I thought of cultural differences that sometimes influence people's body odor.... I thought of so many things, but judging this person wasn't one of them; and this is not because I'm that nice or has such a kind heart. It is because I have asked God to help me show grace towards others and to help me see people through His eyes a little more. It's because I am now surrounded by friends who don't meet to badmouth others, but to encourage one another instead, like God calls us to do. It is because I had a problem with my identity in Christ that always let me to deflect on others, but I am now in a church that speaks tons into our identity in Christ, through which I have come to understand and accept and live in my identity in Jesus Christ. It is because of Him that I am changed still changing. So I shouldn't say I'm proud of myself as much as I am in awe of my God, who likes to work in our hearts, even in mine.

The second thought I will leave for another post, because I don't like doing super long posts, so instead, I'll ask you this:

Are you being intentional about showing grace to others?

When you see people, do you see a man or a woman or a child for whom Christ died on the cross, just like He did for you and me?

Are you prayerfully considering your friendships and investing more into those that are edifying?

Are you living in your true identity in Christ?

Are you letting God work in you?

The time with all the broken pieces

Today I set out to write about something else, something completely different, something I thought I'd never write about, but God had other plans (I guess He doesn't want me to write about that other topic, huh?).

Anyway, I've been having a couple of off days. Not sure if its because my kids have been sick since Monday, and by Wednesday night, I finally caught it, or if its just the fact that I haven't worked out the last couple of days (if you work out regularly, you know how addicting those endorphins can be). So, when I went in the kitchen to cook lunch and dropped one the the mixing bowls I use the most, a loud curse word came out of my mouth (not that I never ever curse, I'm not perfect, but I try really hard not to, especially with the kids around), and I couldn't help that immediate feeling of defeat, of loss, of frustration. 

Isn't it amazing how easy it is to go towards the negative at first instance? 

But God (you know I love these two words) despite my reaction, as I was picking up the broken pieces, gave me a song; without even thinking about it the words started coming out of my mouth: 

All these pieces
Broken and scattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole
Empty handed
But not forsaken
I've been set free
I've been set free

 Then that feeling of defeat and frustration turned into hope and joy. I thought about how those pieces of glass scattered all over my kitchen floor have no use to me anymore, and as I threw each piece in the trash, I saw myself in this broken mixing bowl, but unlike these worthless broken piece in my hand, in His hand our broken pieces are mended and made whole, and turned into something new. God can take our broken life, our broken relationships, our broken world, and turn it into something beautiful.  

His grace is amazing, His voice is sweet, He brings new mercy, He freely offers salvation.
We are broken, but He makes us whole.

I don't think I will ever fully understand His goodness, but I sure am grateful for it.

The time with the breakfast... part 2

If you read this week's post you know we've been dealing with our oldest choosing not to eat his food, making this an emotionally taxing week.        

We've never had this problem before; our kids have always eaten pretty well. Plus, where I come from, you eat, you just do; there's no "I don't like that food" or "I don't want to eat that", you taste everything, you learn to eat everything, period.  

I was hoping this would only last a day, but boy was I wrong.

On to day two.

The day started very similarly to the one before: I made a sandwich for each kid, which they were to eat before having the last bit of apple-cinnamon bread (aka yummy apple cake) we had left. My oldest, the six year old, ate most of his sandwich, which consisted of a slice of black forest ham and cheddar cheese between two pieces of WHITE Wonder bread (this evil mom didn't even try to feed him wheat bread)... But, like the day before, he refused to eat the last two bites, those last two bites, you know, the ones that don't taste anything like the rest of the sandwich. 

My husband was off from work that day so I was really hoping that having daddy at home would make a difference, since they usually don't like disappointing daddy, sadly it didn't!

That morning we were babysitting for a friend, so after she dropped off her adorable two year old, my son seemed a little more motivate to eat (instead of three hours, it only took him one hour to finish the last two bites of his sandwich). Maybe we should watch adorable two year olds more often. 

In that time, we read a book and watched Finding Nemo; he only missed half of the movie.

"On the bright side, at least its getting better" I thought to myself, despite the usual drama and the constant visit to the living room to "tell me something..."  (FYI: the "something" he needed to tell me was always along the lines of "I don't like it" or "I don't want to eat it" or  blah blah blah)

I just can't wrap my head around it sometimes, how this kid smart, this very smart kid (and I'm not just saying it because he's my son), will from time to time make choices that seem a lot less logical than those made by his younger siblings; then I remember: he's also very strong-willed. I guess that's what you get when two strong-willed people marry and have children. 

As sad and frustrating as it can be sometimes to raise a [wonderful] strong-willed child, I try to constantly remember [and pray] that God can do amazing things in and through this strong-willed child. The things that we see as stubbornness today will become tenaciousness tomorrow.






We don't always see how God is working in our own lives when we are in the middle of raising kids, because raising kids is not easy; being obedient and doing what is required of us is not easy. We forget that God gave us this child, and our other two kids, to do amazing things in us as parents too. We want to raise kids who will do what's right because they love God and they love people; because one day these kids will become part of society and these strong-willed kids will become leaders. Are we going to continue to raise a generation of entitled brats or are we going to raise world changers?

The time with the breakfast... part 1

It was past 4 in the afternoon and my six year old was still trying to eat his breakfast... yes, you read that right breakfast...still!!

Lets rewind to that morning... actually, lets rewind to a few days before, when after making the kids' favorite lunch my oldest, who is almost seven years old, refused to eat it claiming he didn't like sandwiches anymore. I remember a time [the last two months] when he would beg for a ham or turkey sandwich for lunch and dinner. After a frustrating week of getting the same response at almost every meal that did not involve hot dogs, toaster waffles or rice, I had to ask if he was taking advantage. 

To be honest his response didn't surprise me. He's a very smart kid but his need to try to outsmart everyone, to see what  he can get away with, is driving him to make a lot of dumb bad choices. Anyone else having this problem? 

I wondered for a minute if maybe I was working on creating a brat. I mean, I want my kids to eat, what parent doesn't? But we've never been the type of parents to give our kids everything they want, in this case cook whatever they want, mostly because we haven't had much problem with this in the past but also because we strongly believe part of loving our kids means not giving them everything. However, recently, out of exhaustion and honestly laziness, I have made it easy for him to just lie about not liking a certain food and in return, he's been getting rewarded for it with something else to eat. What is this, a restaurant? Well... it was slowly turning into one. 

So I decided to work on "retaining" this bratty behavior out of him.

Now fast forward back to that morning.  

I made a sandwich for each kid, and just because I'm nice, I let them choose between jam or turkey in their sandwich, before informing them that after eating their entire sandwich (including "edges") they can have some of the apple-cinnamon bread (which ended up more like a sweet, yummy breakfast cake) I had baked the night before.

This was enough for my youngest two, they ate that jam sandwich faster than ever.

Sadly, my oldest, expecting the usual response from me, ate all but the last two bites of his sandwich because he "didn't like it"... he didn't like the last two bites of the same turkey sandwich he had been eating for the last 45 minutes!!! 

SERIOUSLY CHILD?!?!?!?!

But this time, my response was different... this time I said he only had one choice: eat the dang sandwich! He had the option to sit on the small kid table in the kitchen until those last two bites were gone. If he was not done by lunch time he forfeited the apple-cinnamon bread. 

Guess what? Breakfast time was over. Lunch time came and went (he missed out on dessert: Popsicles) and snack time passed (which they really look forward to). It was almost dinner time and I had heard every excuse in the book about why he can't eat the last two bites of his sandwich. Let me tell you, this kid is creative! So much drama.... oh my goodness.... so.much.drama....

Finally, he decided to close his eyes and eat it because "it doesn't taste like 'edges' when you close your eyes". As soon as he was done he ate his lunch, and about an hour later he had dinner.

Not only did he spend all day sitting on a small chair at their small kitchen table because he wouldn't eat two pieces of bread, he missed out on the movie we watched because he wouldn't eat two small pieces of bread, he missed out on the three books his siblings and I cuddled up to read because he wouldn't eat the last two bites and he missed out on our time outside blowing bubbles because he wouldn't eat the last two bites of his sandwich. True story!

I'm sure some people think this is harsh, we believe it starts with the small things. Plus, how many of you had lots of choices growing up? I know I didn't. My mom cooked, we ate what she cooked, that was it. 

That sneaky bratty behavior was trying to creep into my home, and we cut its head right on time... this time. The scary thing is that this had been going on for over a week and I didn't notice it. 

Makes me think about those parents, you know, the ones everyone is talking about, those who are raising bratty kids. Helps me extend some grace to those parents because I don't think those parents set out to become those parents, at least not all of them. Sometimes it just happens. Today it was me, tomorrow it could be you. It happens. The question is: what are we going to do about it when we catch ourselves falling into this slippery slope?

Its not easy, its not fun, its time consuming, its frustrating... but its one of those things that we will thank ourselves for in the future and our kids will thank us for later.

Conversation with six year old before bed.                                                                          Me: was today fun?                                                                                                          6y/o: not really.                                                                                                                  Me: do you think you made good choices?                                                                        6y/o: No, but I will do better tomorrow.                                                                              Me: Good, because tomorrow you're having the same thing for breakfast.                          6y/o: ... 

.... to be continued...  

About messing up

So you messed up really bad today... Now what?

First ask yourself: Did you really mess up that bad? 

What makes one "mess up" worst than another? 

I think most of us have been conditioned - either by the way we grew up or by society - to think that sins have "levels", that one can be worse than another, and while some sins do have bigger consequence, the reality is that to God, all sins are the same. 

I struggled with this for so long; I would do something that I though qualified as a big sin (mostly because of the way I was raised), and I would be sad, and distance myself from God. I would listen to that voice that told me I was unworthy and damaged, that I was beyond saving; the voice that said that God would not love me when I was not "okay" with Him. I would even feel ashamed to sing the worship songs that kept playing over and over in my head (looking back I think that was the Holy Spirit drawing me back to Him). 

It wasn't until recently, in my early thirties, after almost three years in this amazing church where we are taught to live in our true identity in Christ that I realized that this voice I heard every time I "messed up" was not God's voice, it was the enemy. The thief who wants me to dwell on my sin, to distance myself from God, to feel guilt and condemnation. Every time I fell into the enemy's trap I was letting him win another battle... But God (have I mentioned how much I love those two words?) wants to tell us something completely different, he wants us to know the truth: that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, He already forgave our sins and He wants to have a relationship with us.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 (NIV)

Now I ask you: If the God who created the universe, who sent His one and only son to die for us can forgive us, why are we so hard on ourselves? Why is it sometimes harder for us to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others? 

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus " Rom 8:1 (NIV)

Jesus chose to pay the price for all our sins past, present and future, while we were still sinners. That's how much He loves us. Don't let this sacrifice be in vain by letting the enemy win.

We are forgiven, made new, cleansed. We are righteous and redeemed. We are free. We are loved. We are are the sons and daughters of the God who is good and through whom all things are possible. 

So you messed up today - Jesus already forgave you, accept his forgiveness and move on. Accept His grace and choose to do better next time. We can have a much better life by spending more time building a relationship with God, and getting to know Him better (not just about Him) than we ever will by dwelling on our sinned. Its time for us to live in the fullness of life made true for us by Jesus. We can learn to accept His forgiveness. 

The time when less became more

A couple of weeks ago our church started a series titled Less is More, and believe it or no its not about material things, which has me thinking a lot about pruning.

You see, I think society has led us to believe that we always have to be doing something, that our lives need to be full of activities, that we always have to be moving, that our schedules need to be full... and I'm not saying that having activities is bad (in fact, most of these activities are good), but what happens when we stretch ourselves so thin that the only word to describe our lives is stress. Its gotten to the point that even our kids are starting to think that not having some space in their schedule is bad. Our children are the next generation, what will the future look like if they start stressing out now? If they grow up thinking this is normal? 

I'm guilty of over-scheduling; the look of a full page on a weekly planner makes me smile.

I was the mom who always had some activity planned for me and the kids. During the school year, we had something going on almost every day: fun activities for the kids, nature walks, play dates with friends, playground visits, afternoons at the library... something... anything.... nothing bad, just busy, busy, busy. 

However, a few months ago, I decided I would slow down a bit and give myself permission to chill at home while all the kids were in school (about 3 hours a day) and watch some TV or read a book, or just relax on the couch (yes, you read this right, lay on the couch), instead of going to the gym, running errands or doing chores around the house. I decided it was okay to let the house be messy some times and just hang out with the kids. I started learning how to be okay with having nothing planned for our afternoon and just "playing it by ear"... and let me tell you, it was a lot harder than I expected it to be, but so worth it.

I noticed I was less stressed and the kids were less tired (which always equals less tantrums). I became a fun mom (true story), and we had some great times in our small apartment. Moreover, when we did go out, the kids appreciated it even more and were more compliant! 

So you can imagine the affirmation I felt a few weeks ago when we started this series at church (as if the immediate results weren't enough). I love it when you feel led to do something and then get confirmation from God a few months later. 

Now that summer is here and we are on our way to our home school adventure (in the fall), as tempting as it is to try to make it to all the activities and accept every invitation, we are trying to be very strategic about our time. We are making time to hang out with friends, to participate in fun activities hosted by the library or the free movie club for kids, but we are also leaving time open to just hang out at home and have a dance party, to read some books together, to enjoy the pool with and without friends, and its been the best summer so far.

So I urge you, I know there are lots of fun camps in the summer, lots of great activities to participate in, but try to choose wisely and maybe limit the amount of things you and your kids get involved in, and lets think back to how we spent our summers growing up: playing outside until dusk and hanging out with family, relaxing. Lets schedule less and enjoy more.